love will shine on through

oh my sweetness. where to begin? it is all slowly processing. little baby steps for my us. i wanted to give a quick update on what's going on around here with caleb. as of yesterday we got 4 of the 5 blood test results back (that the neurologist ordered last week). the only one that came back positive was for hypo-thyroidism. which basically means the thyroid isn't functioning as it should causing tiredness, low muscle tone, sluggish, and moodiness. this is genetic since he didn't have it at birth when they did this test.  my aunt was diagnosed with it at 12. my mom and dad both are on meds for their thyroid as well. so basically this means we are getting ref. to an endocrinologist and based on what the our pediatrician said/what i read/family history... they will most likely put him on medicine to regulate this thyroid. we'll know more once we have our apt. with the endocrinologist .  i am so glad we went to the neurologist when we did instead of waiting like our pediatrician recommended. never, never doubt yourself. since becoming a mother i am far more brave and trusting of myself when it comes to caring for my babies. the mama instincts are very rarely wrong. there's more to come of course...the next being an OT apt. august 20th and we'll know more then...if perhaps it ends here, or if there is more. we'll do everything we need to for our sweet little guy. my heart hurts a little bit with the fact that he might be on medicine to regulate his thyroid, but it is also relieved that we figured this out and we'll be helping him feel better. as all this goes on (all my phone calls to an OT, insurance, endocrinologist, pediatrician...all yesterday am) my firstborn just happily sang and played, backyard and barefoot, pretend stories in the bedroom, a long bike ride, and just a happy morning all around. the moods have been on a back burner lately and he's chipper as can be and it makes my heart feel full. little did i know we'd have our share of very sweet and very helpful doctors. from our pediatrician, to our pediatric optomologist (who we'll be seeing again on monday to follow up with his exotropia) to an OT, and now an endocrinologist. I'm thankful for such a knowledgeable community that specializes in working with this sweet little babes of ours. i feel a little torn sharing all this on the blog and with others, we are treading lightly... but i also feel like i want to be open and honest with what is going on. caleb is so very cautious and reserved around most people and not many people get to see his personality the way we see it at home where he sings all day, dotes on his little brother, plays sweetly with lucas, chit chats to us about anything...i want to shield him from the world that can be cruel...some comments i've heard make my heart hurt (although those comments are far and few in-between and for the most part i have found more support and encouragement in others than anything, still-it really only takes one comment to leave me feeling vulnerable and sad, though i am instead trying to focus on all the good i've felt from others. and trust me, there has been so much good.). i know his reserved personality will hopefully weed out most and keep in the best...i know growing up i was almost as shy as they come and i was blessed by it. because of my shyness i found rare and beautiful friendships. the rare and beautiful kindred spirits will find caleb, of that i am sure. the greatest blessing is what he has in his relationship with lucas. my heart continually swells with love for these two boys of mine and they way they care for one another. of course he will be hurt by others in life...that is just how the world works. but he will be blessed greatly too... and him and lucas will have one another when the world is hurtful. i am so thankful for my sisters, our childhood, and the fact that we were and continue to be the very best of friends. i pray that he always knows how greatly loved he is. and i hope both boys will continue to be the very best of friends. protecting one another, caring for one another, and sharing the joys of growing up together. i love you boys more than you'll ever know.

while this journey we're on is slow...and much of the time unknown and can be scary and even slippery, there's much surprise...but oh the joys we find along the way. the goodness that comes out of suffering and sadness. the pain that brings hope and healing. the friends we sadly lose and are only here for a short little while. the touch of others that leave heart prints in our soul. the goodness others bring. the support of family that keeps you pushing on. the love we share. the joy we find. the perfect place of just being. God at the center of it all. the hurt, the real, the smiles and simple act of living. oh the journey.

i couldn't ask for a better parnter, husband, friend...so equally yoked... to share in this journey with. i know God placed these two little boys in our lives at just the right time-they may be so different in so many ways yet they share a brother bond unlike anything i've ever seen. they complete us.

Happy Friday Friends. wishes for a warm and peaceful weekend.
we have a wedding and some visitors. weddings always put me in a good mood. how about you? the good, the not so good, the beautiful? any good plans this weekend?

Big Sur Camping Trip 2012

 

We're back from our last camping trip of the summer. It was short but sweet. I've always wanted to camp in Big Sur and it was just absolutely breathtaking!! A little bit of heaven on earth.

The hikes were gorgeous.

The views were spectacular. The water was sparkling in the sunshine and it took my breath away every time I saw it. Hubby and I took a beach walk (alone) and it was so peaceful and so good for my soul.

The fog covered us in a protective cloak and it felt good. This time was needed. It may have been short, but it was so good to just be together and outside enjoying one of God's beautiful masterpieces.

The boys did great this trip! Aw. What a relief. Caleb was in fine form and it was so nice after all we've been through the past couple months. He finally seems to be back to his 'mostly' happy self. He sang 'allellulia' and the abc song almost the entire time. This kid has a constant song soundtrack going off at all hours of the day and night (sings himself to sleep as well) I'm sure the entire campground go-ers enjoyed his sweet angelic voice. It melts my heart every time.

Lucas was happy as usual. Only this camping trip he was crawling. I'll leave the rest to your imagination. Did I mention there were no showers at our camp sight?

one of the best parts of the trip? all of us waking up together every morning. caleb made it all night in the tent without getting upset and having to go in the car with dad. lucas slept through caleb's wakings in the night. and we all got a pretty decent night's sleep. (although being home in our bed with boys sleeping soundly in their rooms tonight is going to be nice!) but having those family cuddles on family trips?....they are certainly sweet and oh so treasured. warm bodies. babies breathing deeply next to me. feet mixed warm with hubby. caleb's snores and lucas' suckles. these are the little moments i'll always remember. car rides with favorite songs on repeat. brothers waking up sleepy eyed with excitement and extra long morning cuddles with nowhere to go or be? i'll always remember. campfire warmth. dirt and play. sticks and sand. hands and holding and hiking and walking. alone time with hubby. family time. One more trip for the memory books.

TGIF

definetly at TGIF kinda week! Long. Exhausting. Stressful. and full of lots of unknowns! But- Today is a very good friday. Lots of backyard playing and stuff.

so here are some updates from the week. first off-


 here is my long winded video of our 4th of july camping trip. i posted most of the pics already but i still wanted to put up the video i so lovingly worked on :) hubby fixed it of course so that it would upload correctly for me! i think it is appropriate to post this week since we'll be camping round 2 this summer...all next week in big sur with my parents and i'm really excited since i haven't been to big sur yet! ocean and sand will make caleb a happy boy. here's hoping nights go a little better this time! we'll see ;) sometimes i think to myself-we're pretty brave aren't we?...

dentist visit on monday.


so what is new this week?
caleb did great at his neurologist apt. on monday. he really liked the dr. and was chatty with him (this does.not.happen! with strangers for him so it was kinda funny!) we are in the waiting process right now for some blood work that was done to rule out some things....at the end of the month we'll be having him assessed by an OT for some sensory stuff. We've ruled out food allergies with a previous blood test. And so I'm feeling glad that we are doing everything we can to rule out things and to make sure if there is something more going on with him, we will be able to get him the help he needs...and if it isn't anything and he is just an extra sensitive little guy like his auntie jen, then that is fine too. we will be glad to know either way. It is hard to wait but we're making the best of it and knowing God is already there and holding us through this.

some more updates....

lucas is getting his 6th tooth in (third top tooth) and this has been a nasty round for him. 'oh poor guy' caleb says whenever lucas starts to cry! with a little drawl on the ahhhh poor guuuy!! heart melt. but seriously, not fun. although with big brother to watch all day he's not that fussy...but definitely the most fussy he's ever been, besides the ear infection go down a while back.

lucas is 11 months :( i'll have an 11 month update soon!! i can't believe we are almost through his first year of life. if i think too hard about it-i will cry. it is so cliche but so true. it goes by so fast with the second! everyday has been a joy with you little man.

lastly, we are gearing up for camping in big sur. i'm so excited for some beach time with my boys. and so excited to have a week off of work. i think we need this time together after all we've been going through lately. we have an eye dr. apt. for caleb when we come back to follow up with his eyes and i think we just need this time to recover and spend some time, beach side. this summer has felt too busy for me. and i don't like it one bit! i like our lazy backyard barefoot playing days. It feels like we've had too many dr. apts. work stress for me. and not enough sprinkler splashing and long nights of swinging and reading and just being. that is the season we're in right now. and it is fine, but it just makes this last camping trip of the summer more special and i'm going to try and savor it a little bit more.

i hope everyone has a beautiful weekend!!

                                                           one of my favorites.

sweet brother memories made this week
lots of hugs and kisses to each other.
'can i hold him?' 'can i kiss him?' 'good morning lucas! 'i missed you lucas!' 'where you going lucas?' 'lucas this and that all day long...' i love these brother boys of mine. caleb's doting. lucas' wanting to be and do everything big brother does. lucas launches himself onto caleb and they fall happily to the floor in giggles and smiles. they make each day a treasured one. now our days have much more 'no lucas, that's mine! don't touch!!' and lucas sitting back and crying' and mama helping, guiding, and smiling and knowing that this is the best kind of thing for my sweet boys to learn. the turn taking/ sharing of a life with a sibling. they'll grow to be best friends, they already are. lucas brings caleb out of his moods. caleb protects his little brother and tends to him with love and happy play. they have their frustrations as all siblings do...but isn't that the best kind of way to learn? through each other? with each other? they are learning life lessons and growing right before our eyes and this mama couldn't be more proud of her brother boys.

Happy Friday!

company picnic

we went to dave's company picnic today. here are some pics from our day...

"can i hold him?" caleb asks. "sure" we say. cause it makes them both so happy.

flowers. dirt. lucas.

cause digging in dirt is just so.much.fun.

a couple videos of lucas crawling around, exploring and dancing.

some firsts today (though they weren't all exciting)

first company picnic we went to for dave's work. very hot, but the food was good...as well as the music...as you can see from lucas' dance moves

second. my very first ticket-ever- and i cried. bawled. because there goes a couple hundred bucks from my paycheck. not exactly how i imagined i'd be spending it (was going more for a romantic getaway with hubby) you would think the officer would have felt sorry for a stressed out mama with two babies in the backseat (we were lost to boot). nope. and know what it was for? not staying in the lines when i switched lanes to exit the freeway...as i always say..."i like to color outside the lines" guess i better not do it on the roads anymore. figures-when it rains, it pours...i know my rainbow is waiting patiently!

it was still mostly a good day, besides the ear piercing screams we endured from mr. c (hoping this screaming stage is short lived, for the well being of all our ears). the good consisted of this...lots and lots of people getting their groove on at the company picnic...which always brings a smile to my face. from the young to the old...and especially those who really like to shake their booty. can't help but smile. the boys had fun with each other of course. digging in flower pot dirt, eating grass (lucas), licking ice cream (all of us), hot dogs (for caleb), messy and sweaty as all get out. love my messy boys and their daddy too.

made perfect.

 2:cor. 12. "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in your weakness"
these words were sent to me from my sweet bible study leader. they were just what i needed to hear at just the right time. I have been praying them since and find such strength and comfort in Him!

today is truly a happy friday. probably the best we've had in awhile. the happy dance for sure is being done around here. especially after the week we have had! and better yet...i don't work tonight! family night for sure! (i'm actually no longer on my friday case as of yesterday...random story but family chose to end services with the company i work for and i can't say i'm that sad to not work on friday, although the boy was so adorable!)

here are some updates. kinda long so only read if you have time....
yesterday found us at the dr.'s office. where our sweet ped. thought caleb's moods were perfectly normal for a two year old but if they don't improve in 6 months time she would refer us to a neurologist....(i choose to just get the number at the end of another long and horrible day of him melting down almost two hours... and we'll be going monday.

the 'raisin' on top of the cake (as they say cherry on top of the cake but raisin is more appropriate in this instance) is when caleb came outside to inform me had stuck a raisin up his nose...or rather, in his words...'i have a raisin in my nose mommy' i thought my day had been exciting enough without the raisin thank you caleb.

ever done mouth to mouth? you're not missing much!
....i then got to perform 'mouth to mouth' on a saliva filled toddler to try and blow out the raisin 'per dr. at the er's recommendation during our last pea up caleb's nose incident' when nothing came out and dave got home i assumed it was all in his imagination...so i left for work and dave for the first time all week experienced the 'mood' of caleb that'd i'd been dealing with the past week. i took a long hot shower, left for work, and upon my arrival and caleb thankfully still being awake....i thought we'd better actually really take a look 'just to make sure' and let me tell you....looking up your two year old's nose with a lampshade isn't what you want to be doing on a thursday night, much less mouth blowing....upon our further inspection i'm sad and disgusted to say that there was a wrinkly brown raisin way up in there....now this is where some might wish we had a secret camera watching....(as my sister so did) i'm glad we didn't because what followed will disguist you probably! or make you laugh....depending on your mood....

dave and i took turns blowing in caleb's mouth and squeezing one nostril shut. caleb made funny noses (cause it had to have felt pretty weird i'm sure!) we had to swipe the disgusting drool....it got the raisin close enough that we started to suction with a suction...then dave took the pliers and started pulling it closer to the surface while i held my breath praying we wouldn't do any damage and kept calming suggesting that perhaps we might make our way to the er and have a professional do it...dave calmly asked me to have a little confidence....well folks i'm glad to say between the two of us it took one last big blow to the mouth (made by me thank you.) and dave catching it in his hand (thank you hubs) for that wet, slimy, double sized raisin to come flying out.

  
 i almost threw up. we cheered and clapped and once again gave caleb the food belongs in the mouth! not the nose! speech. he was happy. and dave and i recovered with a huge bag of popcorn, two bowls of ice cream, and some of our favorite show watching (while both boys slept) happy to finally be alone and raisin free.

today is as if the last horrible week never existed. caleb has yet to have a melt down. he is back to his happy and sweet self and has been in the best mood all day. both boys have been playing so sweet with each other and it melts my heart. we basked in the sunshine all morning and i felt like life has returned to normalcy and maybe the horrible moods were just all in my imagination (though memory says they were not). still, monday will be a big day for us. we will be going to the pediatric dentist (i just want to make sure his mouth is healthy and no cavities or anything like that which could be causing pain) and a visit to the neurologist (since three times now we've had 3 diff. doctors mention taking him...and we figured sooner rather than later if it keeps coming up in passing) my mom will be going with us and i'm hoping everything checks back fine or that we get answers either way. i feel so thankful to all my sweet bible study girls who responded to my prayer request for caleb and prayers were sent our way. as well as our family who is so supportive and encouraging! i'm looking forward to a nice weekend of family time. beach day...berry picking....relaxing in the backyard...bbq...late nights of alone time with hubby...so many possibilities! hoping caleb's great mood lasts right on through the weekend...lucas' good sleep habits have returned as well...and we can all just relax! oh and one more big and exciting way to end the week is celebrating testing success for dave at work! he's been stressed about that and all the tests worked and so we'll be celebrating that after the boys go to bed with some wine and a good movie :) i love the weekend.

lucas loving on the peach from our peach tree. i love having fresh fruit growing in our yard for the boys to pick and enjoy.

Happy Weekend everyone!

'brother loves me.'

here is what is good. these two together. yes, they sure do have their squabbles. lucas is living up to 'pesky' younger brother and certainly giving caleb some frustrations! i have to laugh though (most of the time i am able to hide it) as i give caleb the words so he doesn't hit lucas (and he's gotten a lot better about just moving his body and his toys away and using his words first, before he hits lucas now) but lucas wants to do everything big brother does. his face lights up when caleb is in the room. and caleb really is so gentle and sweet with lucas (most of the time) lucas can always cheer caleb up when caleb's in a mood. today we had a one hour melt down with caleb. in between tears lucas crawled over on top of caleb and started kissing him, or well, lucas' version of kisses. he put his mouth right on caleb's and smiled big. this made caleb smile big back. and the tears were forgotten about until lucas had to go down for his nap and then my last exhausted attempt to get caleb to come out of his spiraled melt down was a call to nani where she sang kookaburra on repeat until caleb's eyes started to drift shut. so i'm kind of going on a tangent here, but yes. these two together are so good for one another.

lucas is so good for caleb. and caleb is so good for lucas. i think they must have known in heaven they'd be together down here on earth.

it has been really hard over here with caleb. for the past few days his 'sad and frustrated' moods have been so frequent and so unexpected that we just never know what will cause a melt down. he has so many good moments in the day, but so many hard ones too...and the hard ones seem to just spiral out of control more than usual as of late. (do they get 3 yr molars?) i'm pretty close to calling the dr just to chat and see how much is normal two year old behavior and if we're doing everything we can to help him. the littlest things cause a melt down and while we have strategies that work for him, i feel so emotionally drained that i didn't even want to get out of bed this morning. i know work is causing me to stress more and i think that is affecting the day so i am trying to let work stay out of my mind while i am home with the boys. night times have been wakeful for lucas. 3 teeth are coming in so we are choosing to wait until they are in until we can help him learn to self soothe, he's only nursing once really at night, but dave is in there a lot. i can't even tell you how much since i am sleeping through it :( probably 2-3 times. needless to say all the day time melt downs and night time wakefuls are causing exhaustion in the parenting department. i'm dreaming of a date away with my hubby...of a weekend away just the two of us....it is the little things in life. moving on though...

this is a bad quality picture, and it really doesn't do justice to the moment, but it still shows the love these little boys have for each other. they make life better just by the way they are with one another. they have such different personalities. lucas is a mover. caleb is a talker. not much can make lucas get upset. caleb can get upset at the drop of a hat, but that sensitivity spreads onto his little brother and he is so gentle and concerned with him. they delight in one another. i am so glad they will have each other through life. they bless us daily and i'm so glad i get to go through these daily ups and downs with such a wonderful and supportive husband.

Happy Wednesday!!

whirlwind

not so many pictures this weekend. we mostly relaxed and recovered. spent some time outside playing and sunday we went to monterey and walked around and had some ice cream.

 fresh peaches from our peach tree

 just happy and hanging out in the stroller on our beach walk in monterey

catching up on some zzz's.

gearing up for a whirlwind week. I've started back with work. i have two cases and work monday Wednesday and Friday evenings. this will be my first week on both cases though. so we prepped our weekly menu and my plan is to get dinner ready with caleb while lucas naps in the morning.. i'm waking up earlier :( 6:30 so i can get in my runs (cause i am really hoping to do a half marathon in october!). and i'm still doing bible study tuesday evenings. which really only leaves Thursday evening completely open and free ;( thankfully dave and i still have our time together when i get home from work in the evening. the other good thing is that we all eat lunch together almost everyday (now dave will be riding his bike into work on tuesday and thursday) but on the days i work we have lunch as our family meal which is really important to dave and I. I'm trying not to stress too much about work. We have been praying and i knew if a case opened up for me it would be in God's time not mine. Friday night when I got home from my case I just bawled. I actually bawled all the way home, came in, tried not to show my tears to dave, but he could tell and came over and I just stood there shaking in his arms tears falling down :( i haven't been that sad in such a long time ( i actually don't remember the last time i cried that hard!). the little boy i am working with is so adorable, but i just missed my boys sooo much!!! I think it'll get easier. I hate change and always struggle with new things!! It should be an interesting week! As for the boys, Lucas has his top 'fang' teeth coming in and two more bottom teeth...this makes for more wakeful nights. Caleb is in a major funk (going on day 4 in a funk) and the only one who can get him out of it is lucas. They keep each other happy (most of the time...when they aren't getting upset about a toy they both want). one cute thing is that lucas follows caleb all over the place! like a little puppy. it is pretty hilarious. caleb leaves the room to go get something and off goes lucas, i'll have to try and get that on camera because it is quite comical. Lucas is curious george in a big way! he sees it...he crawls to it...between lucas' constant motion and caleb's constant chatter...let's just say our days aren't boring!!!