the dark is breaking into day. soon enough you'll find a door. just don't give up.keep on moving through these storms. step inside His heart and then you'll see a LOVE that is so amazing.
for all those moments when life may seem too much hard, this song is a good reminder...keep on moving through these doors, soon enough you'll find the door...just don't give up.
i've got that song stuck in my head :) and little boy giggles.
from our morning....
i love you soooo much Lucas. said caleb. lucas giggled. and then my heart melted.
i love these pre nap hug fests they've been having. a room filled up with little boy laughter is the very best kind.
a trip to the library after c's OT. a bag full of books and helpful boys. one of my favorite places to take them. we even (without meaning to) found a perfect children's book on gardening, i mean...it's those kind of moments that i just want to do a happy hop and shout hurray! we loaded up in the car with two boys and a bag of children's music cd's, stories on cd, and books for little boys and books for mom and dad. library adventures are the best.
many moments in our day have tears or tantrums. a very assertive and independent one year old is emerging. more mobility for little brother means he's in big brother's stuff and space a lot of the time. but there are so many sweet moments between the two of them. those sweet moments far outweigh the fighting. everything just melts away in those brotherly moments and i feel insanely blessed by them and the love they have for each other.
so yes, not everything is as rosy as it seems over here :) but we certainly have some rosy moments! and i like to focus on those :)
rose moments from our day.
quiet play with play dough. hug fest. play date with good friends. muffins. lunch just the three of us. afternoon naps. a 'friday' workday today as i have the rest of the week off! happy heart. sunshine through clouds. bible study and then bachelor with hubs tonight :)
i have a video i took of the boys dancing and singing, lu diaper dashing it. so hopefully i'll get that up soon. as new challenges emerge between the boys and their personalities/ temperaments/developmental milestones and the 'getting along' thing...i feel as though i actually kind of love it. they are learning how to communicate and interact and who better than your sibling? i can remember many days with my sisters...fights, tears, bites, hitting, throwing, etc. and that was not just the early childhood years...it intensified as we were hormonal teenagers!! but we were and remain the very best of friends. i'm so grateful lucas and caleb have that in each other. best buddies. through tears and hitting, even some biting now and again...there's so much love and laughter and giggles and smiles that far outweigh the hard days. lucas adores his big brother and watching their bond fills me up with the greatest joy! even when they are driving me nuts one moment...a second later they are hugging and laughing and i'm smiling ;) cause it's all good! this roller coaster ride we're on. it's a trip!!!
yes, definitely my most favorite moment of the weekend. his pride. their curiosity. my horror combined amusement..(don't worry i was a snail collector as a child...we didn't only play with baby dolls. my middle sister though...she made us pick rolly pollies for her cause she wouldn't touch (growing up with two sisters and no brothers...it makes this having all boys thing really fun and definitely different!)
so this boy thing. it's kinda fun.
i love watching their beautiful father/son bond
planting. watching and tending. learning patience and trust. The quiet peace in the beauty of the unfolding of nature as it emerges into the beautiful. Watching my boys with their daddy gardening is one of my favorites. It beautifully symbolizes our Father's love and patience with us....it reminds me of...having childlike faith. and The faithof a mustard seed. The symbolism and their sweetness. It wraps around my heart and I curl up with it, like a good book.
we had a happy and healthy weekend (mostly healthy...dave has a bout of shingles, but he's on medicine and we're just gonna pretend that it never happened, because really who wants to talk about shingles?...)
we enjoyed....
sensory play with water beads (i'm all about them. they are the coolest!)
morning cuddles. early morning running. (feels good to be in a running routine again.) grocery trips with little helpers. warm soup. outside play. dirt and worms. long afternoon naps. church followed by future choir boy singing, a baby shower for twins consisting of an afternoon of girl talk. heavenly) happy play. healthy boys. music. home.
he liked mama's homemade spinach/parmasean dip.
captured on camera...happy boys at play (lasted but a good minute, but still.)
music therapy while swinging. he makes me proud everyday. love his dimpled smiles. and happy he's more regulated after a rough decemeber.
weekends are never long enough, but it's a short work week for me and that is making this a really happy monday!!!
brother bike rides (lu tried to escape getting dressed by mad dashing it to the bike for a ride)
water color painting
watching them find favorite corners of the house to play (lately a favorite for lu...take everything out of basket...find activity...sit for a long time and be busy!)
(c starting and finishing a task by himself...this made my heart happy to see him so engaged in playtime for a long time!)
sunshine (this pic was from earlier in the week)
little lunch time toes
and more painting.
I love fridays :) no where to go and no chores to do. It's our relaxing day. We walked (in the fog...this was pretty exciting for all of us!), played, read books, painted, laughed, sang, danced, rode bikes (them...not me), and picked out a recipe for baking, post naps.
we welcomed in a quiet morning today. it was all the more beautiful to me because we still had to drive to morgan hill at 9am, but somehow the clock seemed to linger. We lingered over in the art area with colored pencils and water colors, stickers and scissors. I sat and enjoyed these little boys of ours. I love moments like these where time slows down and I am able to just squeeze in every second of beauty.
I love those moments where the boys play happily, they are busy doing their own thing or playing together without it turning into upset. These moments don't happen all the time and that is why I hold onto the quiet and peaceful ones, they make our hurried mornings, or tearful brother boy fights, or melt down over changing from pjs to pants all the more worth it, cause I know we have plenty of rainbow moments. Speaking of rainbows, it's a rainy day. I love feeling warm and cozy and listening to raindrops on the window.
pre-nap cuddles that turned into wrestling somehow. this must be a boy thing?
their love for each other continues to amaze me. I do love having little boys. My sisters are my very best friends and these brother boys? They are best friends too. I pray this will always remain. Our joys.
our morning was double booked. OT then dentist-and first time flying solo (nani has always been here for dentist trips) Well I'm happy to report....there were only tears during the cleaning. Pre and Post? Happy boys! Music/Headphones/OT did the trick for C I think.
theydon'tknowwhat'scoming.
my favorite thing about the visit? dr. mike gave me a supermom sticker! yeah, I kinda rocked it :) lol. I was proud of the boys and proud of me too!! Have I mentioned how much I adore their pediatric dentist? He actually hugged Caleb at the end. Lucas bit him during the cleaning and dr. mike...smiled. Yep, He's a saint in my book.
rightbeforethetearscameout.
2 Corinthians 12:9 "And my Grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness" ...For Christ's sake, for when I am weak, then I am strong"
my other favorite moment? running in the rain. It was short, I'm still trying to work my way back up to 3 miles...I'm at 2. But it was needed. I inhaled sweet rain scent and relaxed. I love the smell of sweet, fresh, misty rain. Swimming or running in it...even better :) I came home and giggled with the boys while they hugged and wrestled and I felt very blessed. Just another day, full of some hard moments, but full of happy moments too :)
Love this story. It really is true no matter how small something may seem, it can add up big. Beautiful things happen out of the ordinary.
There was once a wise man who was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead, was reaching down to the shore, picking up starfish and very gently throwing them into the ocean.
When asked why he was throwing Starfish into the ocean, the young man answered "The sun is up and the tide is going out and if I don't throw them in they'll die". The wise man replied "But don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach with Starfish all along it, and that you can't possibly make a difference!"
The young man listened politely, then bent down, picked up another Starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves. "It made a difference for that one," he said. "Starfish Story" based on "The Star Thrower" by naturalist/philosopher Loren Eiseley:
From our day.
Lucas has a sinus infection and is on antibiotics, I'm glad i trusted my instincts and took him back to the dr. Poor guy is going on week three of being sick :/ I'll be glad when everyone is healthy again. This makes for lots of cuddles..I don't mind a bit.
Caleb's been in a dancing/singing/marching around the house playing drums mood. Happens every morning. It's a cheerful way to start the day :)
I took this clip of Caleb having a phone convo with nani and papa while going to the beach (i'm not sure they were aware that they played in our backyard with us today :) oh the imagination of a three year old!!
on specialness and special needs. today i want to talk about my sweet firstborn. first off, these are two blogs near and dear to my heart. (if you have time, go ahead and read their posts) peace it all together and enjoying the small things both these mamas have special needs kiddos (one with SPD and one with DS). these two posts I read yesterday made me cry (linked above). These mamas are spreading awareness and asking for acceptance for their children. They ask that when others look at their child they accept their differences and love them for those differences; that we might embrace those differences. I think every mother wants that for their child, even more so when you have one with special needs. We want others to love them for who they are, to believe in them, to fight for them, to accept them, and to encourage, to believe in them, and to have faith. I pray that those who come into Caleb's life will believe in him and see him for the sweet boy that he is. We have already been blessed with his wonderful OT, miss A. We are his advocates. My prayer for D and I is that we will always stand up and educate others about his differences so that they might understand and celebrate with us his strengths and specialness. I pray that people will come into his life who will have the kind of faith we have in him, especially his teachers. I know a lot of good teachers out there, ones who wrap up little ones with love and encouragement, ones that push and challenge in just the right ways, my mom and D's mom being two of them. I hope Caleb will have that kind of teacher. We have and we will continue to move mountains to help Caleb so that he will succeed. We want him to know just how loved he is and that he can do all things through Him who gives strength.
for more on Sensory Processing disorder check out a sensory life this is a great and helpful website.
the reason I felt the urge to write about SPD today is because there have been two different instances where i have been asked if sensory means C has autism. The answer is no. He does not.
While children with autism and ADHD have sensory struggles as well, C's sensory difficulties are a stand alone diagnosis for him. He struggles with self regulation (his ability to regulate moods, deal with transitions, focus and attend; when he is self regulated he is able to do those things, if he is not regulated he goes into fight or flight mode). OT addresses his difficulties with... the power sensations akaVestibular (his inner ear equilibrium) and Proprioceptive (where his body is in space) meaning how comfortable he feels running, jumping, swinging, climbing, etc. Gross motor and Fine motor activities are more difficult for him because his body isn't receiving the correct messages to the brain. OT helps re-wire these pathways so that he will feel more comfortable jumping, running, cutting, coloring, etc (as we've already seen in the 4 months he's been in OT; our friend's little girl no longer melts down and her proprioceptive difficulties are almost gone; she's made great progress in the year she's been doing OT with the same OT as C). When he doesn't look us in the eye it means he is having a hard time regulating his body, when he is tentative in climbing down steps or won't jump off a curb it is because his body isn't getting the correct signal about where it is and how far to jump. Deep pressure helps calm him down. Swinging helps his vestibular system get back on track. Running and sit ups help build his core strength so that he can attend and sit for longer periods with one activity. I hope this helps you understand a little bit more about sensory processing disorder. There are great books out there. My favorite being...raising a sensory smart child and understanding your child's sensory signals.
So the next time you see a child having a major melt down in the grocery store, don't roll your eyes, consider that maybe that little boy or girl is overloaded with sensory stimuli and is unable to regulate. Offer a smile instead. The next time you see a little boy biting another little girl, consider that maybe he is autistic and might be taking medicine to help his aggression, as well as getting OT and speech therapy. Maybe you'll think twice about looking away when an adult with down syndrome tries to hug your child, instead you'll let them and come away with more love and acceptance. Let's celebrate our children and their differences. After all, it would be a pretty boring world if we were all the same.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
I believe from the bottom of my heart that Caleb is going to do great things, he already has. He has opened up our hearts to love deeper and more fully than I could ever have imagined. He's taught to look deeper, to ask harder, and to believe greater. He's taught us what faith really means. He is one of our greatest gifts. He loves to sing and dance, he is inquistive and empathetic. He has such a love of stories and books. He loves Lucas with the most beautiful brotherly love I have ever seen. You continue to amaze us everyday Caleb with your tender spirit and compassionate heart. We love you always and we'll never stop believing in you!
and because this boy loves his singing and dancing, here's a little video clip of him doing just that!!
*post edit. last night i was angry and sad. caleb had an upseting 1hr go down for bed. lucas has been sick for three weeks (turns out sinus infection) i was exhausted and upset that things never go the way i plan! everything felt out of control. i missed my carefree college days. sometimes life before children seems as though it was blissfully carefree. i was better today. it was a good day with the boys. caleb had a couple hard moments (2 melt downs lasting a good half hour each) but we got through his home program and he was happy as can be the entire day (besides those two melt downs) he even went down good for nap and bed!!) all this to say that I still had a good cry as I read this post from another sensory blog I enjoy reading. our out of sync life sometimes i feel like this. i feel angry and i am upset that things are out of my control. i wish God would go a lil easier on me :) But then I remember that there is beauty in the struggle! And I wouldn't trade the past three years for the world, they have been hard and challenging, I've grown a lot! But it has been worth every minute!! And I really adore the Welcome to Holland poem posted at the end :) ( part 2 found here )
So thanks for listening to me today :) I had a lot on my mind!
what one might find around say...7:15 outside c's bedroom door...friends that don't make the bedtime cut. he kicks them out. then sneaks a couple of em' back in when we aren't looking. we laugh.
a delightful evening spent over coffee with a good friend. topped off with sprinkle cupcakes.
Thursday evening my work session was cancelled. i did the happy dance times 100. then i took down Christmas cause the sun was shinning outside. hearts are up for February. i had a delightful evening over coffee with a good friend, a friend whose little girl has SPD just like C. (She's the one who recommended C's OT...her daughter has the same Occupational Therapist). We shared stories over warm drinks and smiled and laughed over the same quirks our sweet ones share. We got each other. It was the first time I could sit with someone and not feel guilty about emotions I've felt in the past because I couldn't help my sweet boy... she's felt them too, or have to explain why C does certain things; because her daughter does the same thing. C and M, they are so much alike. It was the first time I felt like someone truly understood because she's in the same exact shoes we are in. Only...she's about a year ahead of us in treatment which means her daughter is proof that it's gonna get even better. That as good as it has gotten with help, it'll get even better. I'm so thankful for this new friendship. I feel blessed to call her a friend.
I love Fridays because they are home days. They are mornings of play, sunshine walks, and play dates with friends. Today we played, we walked, and we enjoyed the warm sunshine at the park with friends. It felt good. It felt good to talk to other mamas again, who are going through life with little ones. It helps the ache of missing family ease a bit. It reminds me that I'm not in this alone. I'm surrounded by a community of beautiful mamas and I'm blessed to call them friends. I'm feeling very thankful this week. I'm thankful the boys are finally feeling better (i can tell cause they are fighting a lot more!!! lucas likes to ham his way into caleb's business..all.the.time...don't let the sweet pictures fool ya.) It feels good to be able to get back in our routine at home. and it feels so good to have a couple days off of work (lil guy is sick so sessions cancelled) it feels wonderful to give baths again during the week, tuck little boys into bed, and sit together as a family for dinner (even though we have lunch together everyday!) It is the weekend and that is always a good thing :)
happy weekend. hope yours is filled with sunshine and happiness ;)
and if you're feeling the winter blues...this read might make you laugh the rain away. the haps. i love this blog. girl cracks me up!!!
