strength to strength.

we finished our Beth Moore Psalms of Ascent journey this week in bible study...God's timing once again couldn't have been more perfect. The day going into Caleb's surgery and the day following were spent reflecting on these beautiful words of scripture and listening to Beth Moore's final DVD session on tuesday evening. God gave me the words I so dearly needed to hear...

"Passing through the valley of Baca (tears) they make it a spring; the early rain also covers it with blessings.
"They go from strength to strength, Every one of them appears before God in Zion" Psam 84:1

"Lift up your hands in the holy place, and praise the Lord!" Psalm 134:2
in the dark night lift up your hands to the sanctuary and bless Yahweh" One of the dearest treasures in your darkness with be the God-song He will give you if you'll receive it...to praise Him in the night. beth moore

"God's faithfulness then calls for man's gratefulness. Grace and gratitude belong together like heaven and earth."bethe moore

"Joy cometh in the morning" Psalm 30:5.  but "the very anticipation invites it in our night."beth moore 

Strength to strength. Strength to strength. step by step. day by day. hour by hour. God's grace has lifted us and given us strength for our journey.

outside Caleb's hospital room was a beautiful wooden path that I would escape to every so often for deep breathes and hope filled whispers and prayers during our hospital stay.

 

I have reflected on how God has prepared us for these steps we are taking today with our sweet boy. In such a time of pain and heartache there has been great joy and blessing. I wanted to share with pictures of course :) Our journey this week. (Caleb's surgery to remove tonsils and adenoids)

after a lot of going back and forth we decided and mostly caleb just wanted; everyone to be there at the hospital for his surgery. So off we went, at 5:30 am! to CHOMP. He was so happy. Looking at him smiling in this picture warms my heart up because he hasn't smiled much since then! I'm hoping to see his sweet smile soon.

sorry all these pics were on my phone!!
Nurse Kim (pictured here) and some medicine to relax (c got really anxious and they wanted him to stay calm before going under) were magic.  they swooped him to the back for the surgery and next followed the longest hour; ever.

we spent that time just praying. when dr. a came back to get us I don't think my mom or I could have walked any faster to the recovery room, we practically flew there! What came next was for sure the hardest and most scary part. Caleb was so disoriented from all the meds and confused from the numbing meds in his throat. He coughed non stop for almost an hour, gagging and choking and hysterical! my mom and I were both squished on the bed with him, holding him, singing to him, and giving him all the love we could. D took care of Lucas in the waiting room. The nurses assured us this was totally normal! All the while as they are suctioning up fluids so he would stop coughing. My mom and I held it together for him, but tears slipped to my eyes and I questioned (for what will be thousands of times on this surgery journey) if we did the right thing. Dr. A told us he could hear the sleep apnea while he went under. And the surgery went so smooth. I just wasn't as prepared for what came after! The funny part came when they wheeled Caleb to his room on the pediatric floor. My mom stayed on the bed with him and we followed! It was a scene. I'm glad my mom was there because we had our laughs through our stay there that's for sure ;) And it was needed. Especially around midnight when three of us, nurse included, had to hold him down to give him his pain meds! Strong boy kicked all of us ;) Stubborn too! every four hours since monday..pain meds (he hates the meds! a hold down ensues.)  heart break was listening to him cry for lucas in the middle of the night at the hospital...heart melt is that he only wants lucas to give him his medicine. love my boys.

our other laugh came in the form of pillows. see picture above. not comfy. at all. and somehow my mom slept on the bed, caleb nestled on her chest. all night long. love her.

this is such a tender moment. caleb, my sweet boy, so brave. and baby brother. looking concerned. hand holding for comfort. mostly lucas has been...well, lucas. not getting what's going on, and totally his happy and somewhat hyper self (i mean, he keeps stealing big bro's ice cream and jello and eating for himself so he's got even more energy than normal!) but we need his happy. cause my heart breaks for caleb. having one happy and clueless feels right.

 after a very long night *nights always feel the longest! we got to go home :)

Home sweet home!! we loved our sweet nurses. and such a brave boy (taking off the iv)

Lucas and Daddy slept at home, but were at the hospital a lot. my mom and I camped out with c all night at the hospital. Thankfully there were fish and water fountains and lots to see and do for little lucas man!

my other most tender moment. those feet. that jello (he ate the whole thing!! first time eating food in over twenty four hours, my heart! they had an iv drip for fluids post surgery) caleb, you are so brave!! he's been in a ton of pain, but doesn't say much. he wants to eat but it hurts so much he can only manage a bite. mostly my heart aches because he's so quiet!! he sang our first night home and it was music to my heart. we've had a few smiles and that gives me hope. counting our days and watching and tending to our sweet boy.

blowing bubbles and playing. our first night home.

making the most of it. milk shakes and target trips.

silly faces.

movies and jello (lucas wants to do and eat everything caleb does) which means he's hyper and kinda crazy cause we've been inside a lot taking it easy for caleb. see that jello mess? but sometimes mama has to break some rules. I'm glad the norm in our house isn't jello and ice cream because hyper hyper hyper! (at least for lucas) caleb's one or two bites are simply keeping him hydrated, poor guy.

yeah. this is our week :)

food favorites post surgery. annie's organic mac and cheese. tofu. peas. smoothie. ice cream. jello. pudding. chocolate popsicles and chocolate milk! seriously, anything chocolate i could find, i got because this boy loves his chocolate!

oh caleb my sweet. i wish i could take away every ounce of your pain! you are so loved and cared for by grandma and grandpa, nani and papa, aunties, uncle, friends, family. mama and daddy and lucas.

I'm so grateful for an amazing and kind dr for caleb, one he really adores and so do we. I'm thankful for sweet nurses who cared for and tended to him all night. I'm grateful for help in the way of nani's love and grandma's care package sent from far with love. it's what got us through the night. i'm thankful for the steady hand of my husband keeping me calm and the happy face of lucas keeping us sane. i'm grateful the surgery is over, and i'm grateful caleb is healing, even though it's slow and painful. i'm grateful for our night because our morning is here...and "joy cometh in morning" psalm 30:5.

our time at the beach last weekend.

 

 

can't wait...to see my sweet boy smiling and singing again :)

lastly, dave's aunt sent this my way to read...perfect.timing....
dear stay at home mom very fitting words that i needed to hear this week :) thank you julie!!

friday fun!

 yes, i think we all know this is my favorite day of the week, besides saturday and sunday of course!! so here are some pictures from our week...

 

 my little loves, they have my heart completely. now when I tell lucas, hold your brother's hand he'll go and find caleb's hand and they'll walk...holding hands. cute as can be. and my heart just stops right there. can love grow any more in that single moment?

 

 preparing for monday. found hospital books in the children's area. finding a george hospital book was a bonus.

 

 i could hold him forever.

 

 our breakfast tradition. smoothies. inspired by auntie jen.

 

how we make our smoothies:
first add some fruit. our favorite happens to be bananas, blueberries, strawberries, pineapple, mango, and blackberries. (I buy some of it frozen at trader joes for dirt cheap! at safeway a small bag is almost 10 bucks...at trader joes a bigger bag is only a couple dollars total! what a steal. plus it lasts for weeks!!! we make a special outing, lucas and I, while Caleb does OT about every two weeks.) I'm kinda obsessed with trader joes. Healthy food is so cheap there!!

next we add our yogurt and milk. This week we had plain greek yogurt (hardly any sugar) and get this...23 grams of protein! I personally don't like yogurt, but mixed in a smoothie you can't even taste it. Plain greek yogurt happens to taste like sour cream in my opinion, but it tastes delish in a smoothie! The boys love yogurt which I'm happy about :) Probiotics!!

Last we add our milk and mix it up in a ninja mixer (I found at target awhile back for 20 bucks)

OKay that's it!! Tastes delish. Caleb actually drinks it all! which is huge for him since normally he won't drink anything for breakfast. It's super healthy. And best of all, it is a blast to make. Is it sad that every morning I wake up I'm so excited about smoothie making with my boys??

Lastly, some video clips of the boys this week :) click here It is random and please ignore my annoying voice and Caleb acting like a strange 3 year old for parts of it (hello. tongue thing?) and well, this is mainly for me to remember their sweet voices at this age and their weird antics. (and to try and get lucas captured saying all his animal sounds and some of his words.!!)

Here's how I'd sum up our week.
smoothies. trains. driving. OT. pre op apt. more smoothies and trains. more driving. more OT. and finally, finally, FRIDAY! Our beautiful home day where we do whatever we want. We relax and we play in the backyard and we get excited about the weekend!

So, Happy Friday!

also, I have to say, how funny and how perfect God's timing really is. It's been tough emotionally for me with caleb's surgery looming in just a couple days, I am so grateful for God's peace and for friends and family. Sometimes when you need them the most they appear with offers to bake casseroles or watch lucas, they lift up prayers and they offer hugs, they send care packages and letters. I'm so grateful for angels on earth.




blessings on you this weekend ;)

our favorite way to spend the day.

a saturday beach day.

sun kissed. bare feet. warm sand. mud puddles. water splashes. sunshine. car naps. ice cream treats. baths before dinner. pizza. warm bodies cuddled up on the couch together. just us. finding nemo movie night. more cuddles. bedtime. kisses and hugs. two sleepy boys after a fun day in the sun. my favorite kind of day. heart squeeze moments.

some of my favorite moments captured from our day...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

until next time, our dear beach friend.

and...some video from the day....(**click on this link to see the video...can't get the video to come up on the post; of course it is long, cause, yeah...you know me and my long vidoes!)

and one more video from awhile back...(click here for video **caleb singing to lucas an "i love you" song. and some good ol' Saturday night dancing. they have my heart completely)

Hope you had a wonderful weekend!

who stole the cookies from the cookie jar??... and how many cookies can little hands hold? #traderjoestreat.

Happy Friday!

Hi five! jump, skip and a hop. Hip shake and a smile. Happy Friday :)

 

some pictures from our week...

 cal poly boys.

 frog hat and trains. (lately lucas can't get enough of this train set uncle c made him. plays with it all day!)

love them to pieces.

 lil gardener on a mission. lucas takes watering very seriously.  (started planting some plants this week!)

 pure determination and focus.

trains. trains. trains. these two little boys are really into trains right now. (can you see them on the table?)

I think this quote sums up our week perfectly :) It was a rough week as the boys' allergies are in major flare up. Caleb's asthma went into overdrive and even though we started him on a treatment right away it still got pretty bad and is lasting awhile. Which meant no OT this week, which means not so regulated. Sleep is not so great either. Naps are short. Certainly these aren't my favorite days and yet they are filled with a lot of cuddles and quiet home days which I like.  I think the three of us drove each other a little nuts (i may have lost my cool a few times this week). Yet when I reflect back on our days this week it is the good moments, the cuddles and the backyard gardening adventures that sparkle their way to the top and the not so good moments of having my heart hurting because Caleb's cough is so thick and persistent that he has a hard time settling into sleep, that kind of simmer their way to the bottom. Our days together are hard and exhausting  sometimes (for me) but they are also so joy filled with moments of laughter and fun. Playing hide n' seek around the house. Lucas trying to count and the way he hides closely tucked into my leg with his fingers to his lips saying 'shhhh' and Caleb's 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10 ready or not here i come, the way he says it so quick and then the pitter patter of feet. These moments rise to the surface and cause my heart to bubble over and spill out with love. It's easy to forget everything that went wrong at the end of the day and to remember every thing right. The sun always rises in the morning and with that the promise of another Hope filled day. I love my boys to pieces.

Happy Friday!!!

life

 

my heart is heavy and my prayers our full for all those affected by the tragedy yesterday during the boston marathon.

 

 My heart is sad and tears fall freely, but I have to believe that in such darkness, there, you will find the greatest light. You will find the kindest souls and the bravest men and women. Something so terrible and sad can take the air out of you and leave you feeling breathlessly heartbroken; but hereos will unfold and so will hope again...in the greatness and goodness of humanity. Love always trumps evil.

I will be holding all the brave and heroic firefighters and policemen and runners, their families and friends, in my prayers. When fear rises up in my heart I push it down with Love. We can let darkness rule our world or we can let light and I am thankful that Light always, always, wins.

some pictures from our weekend....and week...

we've been working on our garden

daddy and his helpers

sweet view from the bedroom window.

 who needs a sandbox when you have dirt?

 

hey there.

and i just had to put this up of caleb.

when mom's not around at the moment; happy to know that he can fend for himself! pb&j sand which making skills. age 3. check.

post church. heavy load. love my boys to pieces.

so as you can see just a lot of gardening going on around here.

the boys have colds. again. and this time it seems more like allergy/cold combo combined with coughs. i'm hoping no breathing treatment for c and that come surgery day they are both healthy, otherwise we'll have to reschedule. (seems as though they have about 4 healthy days before falling sick with colds/allergies/coughs /this has been their cycle since jan.). not that i want time to speed up but i do want this surgery to be behind us and for our little boy to be on the road to recovery. even knowing this surgery is common and done often on children doesn't take away a mother's worry. I simply have to give my burden over to the One who is strong enough to carry it. Which is sometimes easier said than done!

One last thing...I just had to share this ad created by DOVE. It's eye opening and amazing!
if you have time, it's worth watching  DOVE ad beauty sketches


 I hope we can all remember this sweet quote and in doing so;  may the world feel the rain pour of love and kindness in human acts of generosity and giving today and always.

in rememberance.

.
parentingpeace

although my hope in the world and belief in all that is good was knocked down yesterday by images that flooded the screen, i can't help but feel strong and sure that once again we will rise up and good will prevail.

outpouringoflove these images and article made me cry. they capture the esence of humanity. strangers reaching out in love, in a time of darkness and despair. love poured out.

happy friday!!!

enjoying...

messy play in the backyard with shaving cream. barefoot toes on wet grass. weeding and cleaning. having no where to go and nothing to do but to play and enjoy the sunshine.

a quick target dash this morn'...tearing up the shoe isle: matching church shoes and band aids for our slightly obsessed (with band aids) three year old. #band aid support group needed.

naps and play for the rest of the afternoon :) oh how I love our Fridays.

doing the happy friday dance over here :) hop.skip.clap.cheer.sing.dance.repeat.

*****favorite memory of the week...
caleb and lucas playing hide n' seek with daddy. their laughter and gigles. their pure delight. caleb half dragging/half pulling lucas all around the house; holding his hand. it's their new thing. hand holding. all/most of the time. their sweetness. goodness i love them all so much! my heart might very well burst with love for them :) my boys.