embracing the good.

lately.

 neighborhood walks. construction work and admiring flowers/plants are always 'pause' worthy in our book.

two songs i'm loving right now...

Nothing to Fear
Andy Cherry.
to listen to the song...click here.

No circumstance of mine
No darkness no divide
Can keep me from your promises
No pow’r on earth could fight
The presence of your light
Chasing all my doubt away
There is nothing to fear
You are with me
Nothing to fear
You are holding me
Why should I worry
When Your love surrounds me
There is nothing to fear
You are with me

Above and below
You are in control
You hold me with your promises
When trouble hides your face
You're never far away
You my God are strong to save

My hope is you alone, it's you alone it's you
I trust in you alone, it's you alone it's you

Cause you have never let me go
Cause you have never let me go
Cause you will never let me go

Pouring It Out For You
Newsboys
to listen to the song click here
"Pouring It Out"

O for grace to trust
O for strength to love
O to cast my cares down at your feet
O for feet to dance
O for a heart to romance
O for lungs to lift your name so high

My hands go up, giving you glory
I just can't get enough
You are so worthy, Lord
I'll keep pouring it out for you
My cup is overflowing
With your perfect love
You're all I'm longing for
I'll keep pouring it out for you

O for faith to rise
O my soul come alive
O my God You are all I need
O for feet to dance
O for a heart to romance
O for lungs to lift your name so high

My heart and flesh they cry out holy
Jesus be my one and only joy

 

my sisters. and my little boys. relationships I treasure.

 sisters of the heart. for always. best friends forever.

love that I have two sons who share such a special brother bond. It's beautiful to watch and I feel so blessed that God entrusted us to nurture the bond they'll have as brothers for a lifetime.

 

feeling for. praying for. thankful for. my sister jenny. she's truly one of the strongest persons I know and I'm so thankful for her! She inspires me and teaches me what it really means to have courage.

 

and some randoms...

 mama's helpers unloaded the groceries. love it when i'm distracted and then later I find something like that...both boys put away some stuff in the fridge. It leaves me with a smile and a laugh on my cheeks.

 i just had to put this picture up. yes, that's caleb on top of lucas...and lucas is loving it by the way. anything rough lucas adores! the boys love to tackle each other down in true rough house fashion. truly never a dull moment around here. i love these brother boys of mine so much!!

 and my last random...it is always amusing to me to come into caleb's room after his nap or in the morning when he wakes up...this is when we discover what he was up to 'before he fell asleep' because mostly we just hear clicking and clacking and singing and chatter....trains.books.dominoes.sometimes stickers end up on things like the back of his door and last week we banned water in his room because he was feeding his fish water and pouring water in his fish food. yeah, um, he's really quiet when he does all these things though! discoveries happen in the morning :)

 

 and then lucas...he keeps finding leftover pudding cups from caleb's surgery. (they are hiding in the back of the fridge)...then he has a pudding bath. i think they have all been eaten now and I don't plan on buying anymore, ever.

this sweet boy of mine. he is so happy. (almost) all of the time. singing, dancing, babbling, jibber jabber, his body is always in motion and he almost always has a smile on his face. he's like a musical bird that is in a constant flutter of joy. and my heart is singing happy tunes because caleb's humming and singing and playing and loving on his lil brother again. this is the first normal and healthy weekend we've had in a few weeks and it feels wonderful!

 

sideways. oops.

i live for my early saturday morning runs and this one did not disappoint. when i run life just slips away for awhile and i feel total peace. i'm so thankful that running has come into my life! yes, i miss my swimming days, but running is the next best thing.

bound up in my 3 boys this weekend and treasuring our togetherness and time spent home. next week we celebrate my sister laura's college graduation! we have caleb's bio-med apt thrown in there and our eye dr apts but i'm so excited to spend time with my family celebrating something that laura worked so hard for! she definitely struggled and overcame a lot to get to where she is right now and we're so proud of her!!! summer is just about here and that means camping and more family time and i'm so excited for it all :) we need some time away from home with our families because they bring out the best in the boys and provide d and I with much needed breaks.

Hope you are enjoying a restful weekend.

 

 

 

our happy place

 

we spent sunday at our happy place with some special people too :) I'll let the pictures above do the talking...

 

some of my favorite moments so far this week...

caleb singing in the car, lucas humming along ("carry me carry me carry me now." "let my words speak love, let my words be true..." ) i love how pure and innocent and sweet they are, especially as I look in the rear view mirror and both boys are dancing and smiling. even though I don't like driving in the car a lot...i love our special moments together singing and dancing.

 

have you seen the movie THE IMPOSSIBLE? based on a true story! it is amazing. I can't stop thinking about it! I highly recommend seeing it. It was soo very sad and hard to watch, but wow, the beauty of humanity that shines through such a horrible disaster (the tsunami) I think what made it really hit close to home was that it about a family and they are on vacation with their three sons. The mother's love and the father's devotion in this story and the brothers' bond and strength. Okay, I cry just thinking about it. It's truly a beautiful and remarkable story.

 

Tonight we start up a new study in bible study. We are doing BRAVE, by Angela Thomas and I'm excited about it!!

 

This week we have...a lot of dr. apts! two dentist apts (one for d and one for me) two dr. apts (post op for caleb and one for lucas' eczema) and basically wow! it's just a lot of apts. a couple more mixed in there. but that's okay. it's a busy week, but we still have time for hanging out in the backyard playing barefoot.

 

Amy Grant has a new album released today and we were listening to her new song (played on klove) in the car on our way to Caleb's post op apt. today. I totally teared up hearing it. It's beautiful. It's called "How Mercy Looks from Here" She talks about how she wrote it as she reflected on how amidst her struggles she can look back and see God's abounding Grace in her life. She talks about realizing He got her through her past struggles, He is going to get her through her current ones. I love the musical instruments and sometimes songs just strike a cord with me (okay a lot of songs do) and this one did just that! I made a lil video of the boys with their auntie jen. She is going through a hard season right now and I thought this song was a good reminder that God will see her through this struggle too. click here for video

 

Happy Tuesday! :)

 

oh yes and one last thing! one more week till the premiere of bachlorette with des!! (she was my favorite from last season of the bachelor) pretty excited about it :)

 

In honor...

 

In honor of motherhood

To those who gave birth this year to their first child - we celebrate with you

To those who lost a child this year - we mourn with you

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains - we appreciate you

To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away - we mourn with you

... To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment - we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms - we need you

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children - we celebrate with you

To those who have disappointment, heartache, and distance with your children - we sit with you...

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood - we are better for having you in our midst...

To those who step-parent - we walk with you on these complex paths...

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising - we anticipate with you

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

~ Author Unknown

 

Happy Mother's Day. I am so blessed by my mom and my mother in law! Two very amazing mothers who are an inspiration to me and a place to turn to for wisdom and encouragement. I loved the poem above. It puts to words what motherhood is all about. It celebrates women everywhere. Those in the trenches, those hoping, those mourning. I know so many beautiful and amazing women who have experienced loss, joy, and heartache. Some carry their burdens quietly, some share, some comfort.These beautiful women I know are an inspiration to me everyday and I pray for them and honor them.

via image

 what happens when mom's not looking *mischief *

sister love.

caleb's mini shadow (lil bro follows him around everywhere. does what he does. etc)

the boys are starting to feel better. caleb's on a breathing treatment and lucas is on some allergy medicine.

d and i have had some dental issues going on and i'll be glad when all our apts are over with (visiting the dentist twice a year is not pleasant, but having to go in 3x before they figure out what's wrong with your tooth not fun! hello crown) *i'm sure everyone loves hearing about our teeth so moving on...

someone very close to me is going through some serious health issues, something doctors are having trouble diagnosing and it's been one wrong diagnosis after another...and failed treatments for almost a year now. it's been a frustrating and painful situation, one she doesn't talk about. but she is one of the strongest people i know. she hasn't given up. she has a good support system. a lot of prayer is being lifted up for her. this week was hard, for her, for me...being able to comfort her only over the phone and not with hugs hurts. tears dripped, hearts together even though we're miles apart. She went to Another specialist and received Another diagnosis. Hope whispers. Faith holds on.  So, for my praying friends...if you can lift her up in prayer when you think of it, please do. Prayers for healing, prayers for strength, prayers for patience, and prayers for peace, that she may feel love wrapped around her in this season she is in. Thank you.

i keep waiting for our specialist apts to be over with. for things to settle down over here. for quiet to settle over our house once again. it hasn't happened yet. caleb's apt with a bio-med dr. is in two weeks. more dental apts next week. work is almost simmering down as a new BI is taking over my thursday case. I'm holding out hope for June. I'm hoping our calendar stays mostly empty during the week and that our routine settles back. Caleb's finally singing and mostly back to himself even though he's all flared up with breathing treatments. Today we were home all day. No apts or driving. We walked, we played in the backyard. The boys felt mostly good. These are the days I love. Our home days together. I love Fridays because it is the one day in the week where we have absolutely nothing on our schedule (almost always). And it because it is the start of our weekend. Family time makes me happy.
 
Happy weekend!!

hold on just a little bit longer.

life lately...

gardening and smiles again.

needing to remind myself of this...

 (and loving this song right now)
 stronger by Mandesa (click on the link to hear the song)
lyrics....

Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain't right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you're asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you ...

Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares

'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
In time it's gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger

life lately hasn't been blissful, that's for sure, but webbed into our daily moments of hard there are many joyful ones. lucas is saying so many words! "bye daddy!" "tractor" "truck" "mommmmaaa" "brurdur and clubb" for caleb. "apple" "mine" hand him a toy phone and he'll carry on a conversation with elmo. he loves trucks and tractors and trains. he even gets all amped up and says "chug chug chooo choo!"

 

caleb is singing again. i love how we'll be driving and a song on klove comes on and he belts out the words like he's known them all along. "where you go i'll go...i will follow you" and it seems he knows all my favorites, so we both belt them out, smile at each other in the rear view mirror and then bust out laughing. i love that he's laughing and smiling again.

 

i'm holding tight to these good moments.

 

the harder ones i try and push aside, like the fact that we're on day 10 of recovery for caleb and he's already having an allergy flare up and will most likely go on another breathing treatment. he's still waking up in pain in the night but we've found chewable children's advil and he doesn't spit or throw that in our face :) he loves his 'purple vitamin" and now he's down to just once or twice a day on children's advil. no more high dose pain medicine that throws his moods into a tailspin (that was so hard/sad)

 

lucas is sick/allergies again. it's hard to tell, but either way, he doesn't sleep so well when he doesn't feel good. i'm counting my blessings that at least we made it 10 days out of surgery before they are under the weather again. i'm even more grateful that they stayed healthy before the surgery and during most of the recovery, especially that they slept well and caleb was able to heal.

 

besides being tired, and looking at dave every now and then wondering if the two little boys going at it with sticks are really our children? and not wolves or hooligans who like to hit  each other every 5 minutes or so and then hug and kiss like they have never fought ever>>>besides depending a lot on prayer, long runs, hot showers, and chocolate chip cookies...through the days post surgery...we're doing just fine.

 

Hope whispers good things...like a sister's college graduation in two weeks, and a camping trip at the beach in two months with our oregon family...and other things that always prevail with good. much good, over the hard. we're being stretched and pulled. but no matter how hard that may be at times, i can look back and know...the hardest walks i've been on have always turned into the greatest blessings.

 

strength to strength.

we finished our Beth Moore Psalms of Ascent journey this week in bible study...God's timing once again couldn't have been more perfect. The day going into Caleb's surgery and the day following were spent reflecting on these beautiful words of scripture and listening to Beth Moore's final DVD session on tuesday evening. God gave me the words I so dearly needed to hear...

"Passing through the valley of Baca (tears) they make it a spring; the early rain also covers it with blessings.
"They go from strength to strength, Every one of them appears before God in Zion" Psam 84:1

"Lift up your hands in the holy place, and praise the Lord!" Psalm 134:2
in the dark night lift up your hands to the sanctuary and bless Yahweh" One of the dearest treasures in your darkness with be the God-song He will give you if you'll receive it...to praise Him in the night. beth moore

"God's faithfulness then calls for man's gratefulness. Grace and gratitude belong together like heaven and earth."bethe moore

"Joy cometh in the morning" Psalm 30:5.  but "the very anticipation invites it in our night."beth moore 

Strength to strength. Strength to strength. step by step. day by day. hour by hour. God's grace has lifted us and given us strength for our journey.

outside Caleb's hospital room was a beautiful wooden path that I would escape to every so often for deep breathes and hope filled whispers and prayers during our hospital stay.

 

I have reflected on how God has prepared us for these steps we are taking today with our sweet boy. In such a time of pain and heartache there has been great joy and blessing. I wanted to share with pictures of course :) Our journey this week. (Caleb's surgery to remove tonsils and adenoids)

after a lot of going back and forth we decided and mostly caleb just wanted; everyone to be there at the hospital for his surgery. So off we went, at 5:30 am! to CHOMP. He was so happy. Looking at him smiling in this picture warms my heart up because he hasn't smiled much since then! I'm hoping to see his sweet smile soon.

sorry all these pics were on my phone!!
Nurse Kim (pictured here) and some medicine to relax (c got really anxious and they wanted him to stay calm before going under) were magic.  they swooped him to the back for the surgery and next followed the longest hour; ever.

we spent that time just praying. when dr. a came back to get us I don't think my mom or I could have walked any faster to the recovery room, we practically flew there! What came next was for sure the hardest and most scary part. Caleb was so disoriented from all the meds and confused from the numbing meds in his throat. He coughed non stop for almost an hour, gagging and choking and hysterical! my mom and I were both squished on the bed with him, holding him, singing to him, and giving him all the love we could. D took care of Lucas in the waiting room. The nurses assured us this was totally normal! All the while as they are suctioning up fluids so he would stop coughing. My mom and I held it together for him, but tears slipped to my eyes and I questioned (for what will be thousands of times on this surgery journey) if we did the right thing. Dr. A told us he could hear the sleep apnea while he went under. And the surgery went so smooth. I just wasn't as prepared for what came after! The funny part came when they wheeled Caleb to his room on the pediatric floor. My mom stayed on the bed with him and we followed! It was a scene. I'm glad my mom was there because we had our laughs through our stay there that's for sure ;) And it was needed. Especially around midnight when three of us, nurse included, had to hold him down to give him his pain meds! Strong boy kicked all of us ;) Stubborn too! every four hours since monday..pain meds (he hates the meds! a hold down ensues.)  heart break was listening to him cry for lucas in the middle of the night at the hospital...heart melt is that he only wants lucas to give him his medicine. love my boys.

our other laugh came in the form of pillows. see picture above. not comfy. at all. and somehow my mom slept on the bed, caleb nestled on her chest. all night long. love her.

this is such a tender moment. caleb, my sweet boy, so brave. and baby brother. looking concerned. hand holding for comfort. mostly lucas has been...well, lucas. not getting what's going on, and totally his happy and somewhat hyper self (i mean, he keeps stealing big bro's ice cream and jello and eating for himself so he's got even more energy than normal!) but we need his happy. cause my heart breaks for caleb. having one happy and clueless feels right.

 after a very long night *nights always feel the longest! we got to go home :)

Home sweet home!! we loved our sweet nurses. and such a brave boy (taking off the iv)

Lucas and Daddy slept at home, but were at the hospital a lot. my mom and I camped out with c all night at the hospital. Thankfully there were fish and water fountains and lots to see and do for little lucas man!

my other most tender moment. those feet. that jello (he ate the whole thing!! first time eating food in over twenty four hours, my heart! they had an iv drip for fluids post surgery) caleb, you are so brave!! he's been in a ton of pain, but doesn't say much. he wants to eat but it hurts so much he can only manage a bite. mostly my heart aches because he's so quiet!! he sang our first night home and it was music to my heart. we've had a few smiles and that gives me hope. counting our days and watching and tending to our sweet boy.

blowing bubbles and playing. our first night home.

making the most of it. milk shakes and target trips.

silly faces.

movies and jello (lucas wants to do and eat everything caleb does) which means he's hyper and kinda crazy cause we've been inside a lot taking it easy for caleb. see that jello mess? but sometimes mama has to break some rules. I'm glad the norm in our house isn't jello and ice cream because hyper hyper hyper! (at least for lucas) caleb's one or two bites are simply keeping him hydrated, poor guy.

yeah. this is our week :)

food favorites post surgery. annie's organic mac and cheese. tofu. peas. smoothie. ice cream. jello. pudding. chocolate popsicles and chocolate milk! seriously, anything chocolate i could find, i got because this boy loves his chocolate!

oh caleb my sweet. i wish i could take away every ounce of your pain! you are so loved and cared for by grandma and grandpa, nani and papa, aunties, uncle, friends, family. mama and daddy and lucas.

I'm so grateful for an amazing and kind dr for caleb, one he really adores and so do we. I'm thankful for sweet nurses who cared for and tended to him all night. I'm grateful for help in the way of nani's love and grandma's care package sent from far with love. it's what got us through the night. i'm thankful for the steady hand of my husband keeping me calm and the happy face of lucas keeping us sane. i'm grateful the surgery is over, and i'm grateful caleb is healing, even though it's slow and painful. i'm grateful for our night because our morning is here...and "joy cometh in morning" psalm 30:5.

our time at the beach last weekend.

 

 

can't wait...to see my sweet boy smiling and singing again :)

lastly, dave's aunt sent this my way to read...perfect.timing....
dear stay at home mom very fitting words that i needed to hear this week :) thank you julie!!