and then...

Monterey

 

 this weekend we took the boys to the beach for Father's day. It was nice just being together away from the house for the day. Our life has felt out of sorts and crazy lately. Things have been harder than usual with our sweet firstborn. sleep (or lack there of) self regulation (lack of again) and melt downs (plenty of them) have worn d and I down. My heart hurts and aches for my firstborn; I wish life wasn't so hard for him, I wish I could help him more. I sometimes wonder why he has to go through this and why do we? Sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out to be a good enough mom for him, but where does that get us? No where. God obviously knows what he is doing, even if I feel like we do not. God gifted us with him and only because of Caleb's trials have I been able to see the world in a different way, a better way. Yes things are hard and a lot of times I get discouraged when things aren't going well with him but I know that God knows what he is doing and I can't even imagine a sweeter big brother for lucas. He may have to try harder to do things others do without thinking, but goodness, has he taught me ever so much. I've learned joy in the most incredible way with him and an appreciation for the little things in life, the moments that truly matter. I've learned what it means to go beyond what you think you are capable of. He's a rock star and he's got Lucas, our happy, singing, joy bird right beside him, easing the way and the two of them make us so proud. We're in yet another season of change with some strong winds and currents washing us around, but where would the rainbow be without the storm? with that said...here's our little rainbow.

                                                                  The secret's out.

 

 baby #3 due January 26th. I'm eight weeks and just had my first ultrasound yesterday. The baby is measuring 9weeks1day (both the boys always measured about 1-2 weeks ahead) we found out at 3 weeks (and we couldn't be happier)

found the sweetest little bookstore with a kids corner down the street from C's Ot. It made my day. (and lucas' too.)

So, the boys are pretty excited. Caleb really wants a baby brother (we ask him if he thinks he's getting a baby brother or a baby sister) and Lucas keeps saying Baby and both boys seem to think the baby resides in my stomach as well as their stomach. (lucas copies caleb's every movement) so it's cute and kind of weird and i'm not sure if I want to burst caleb's bubble and let him in on a little secret that only Girls can have babies in their tummies. (I did tell him once and he didn't take it well) And for as much as I do love being pregnant and nursing, I will admit I have told Dave more than a few times how much I wish he could carry this babe. (the head over the toilet bowl and stomach issues from the meds have gotten old quickly; started by week 4...I'm praying it won't go till week 20 as it did for both boys) yet, kisses on my belly from the boys for the baby are pretty sweet (almost sweet enough to make me forget how truly awful I feel every day right now) morning sickness (all day/ all night sickness actually) is not fun!

. Mostly, the past couple weeks have us worn out (being sick and having plenty of we're a hot mess moments, but I know this too shall pass and I am trying to find joy in the little moments (away from the bathroom with my head in the toilet bowl, with an audience of two)

moments that linger

playing at the park.

 

I'm loving this song right now! Gone Gone Gone by Phillip Phillips.  

It reminds me of my sister and her boy who is her best friend. They have been friends since high school and started dating in college. Through life's ups and downs they have always been there for each other.

**wanted to say thank you all for your prayers!! we finally have answers and a correct diagnosis for my sweet person I've been asking prayers for. While the road to recovery will take months even years, she finally has peace knowing she is in the right hands with the right dr. and will hopefully begin feeling better soon.

I don't have much to update on. We've just been enjoying the warm weather. Lately, I've been just thinking about being a Mama. How hard it has been the past couple weeks, mostly because I haven't been feeling great and have had to really let go of things and be accepting of help. Dave is doing mostly everything when he comes home and I have to let go of that guilt too. I'm so thankful for him though. I know this hard phase we are in right now will pass and until then I'm holding on to the sweet moments with my boys. Brother hand holds. Laughter. Cuddles. Stories. Playing at the park. Smiles and Hugs that linger.

Happy Friday!

outside. barefoot in chalk. freshly picked flowers. sunshine and smiles. I love our Fridays.  

holding on and staying strong. a holy experience.   (click on the link to read) Some beautiful words found their way into my heart this morning as I read this story on a blog I love (a holy experience)

The timing of reading those words...couldn't have been more perfect...as I hold someone very near and dear to my heart in prayer today. This sweet girl has experienced a year of some serious health issues, several Doctors have given her different diagnosis's (many wrong ones) and different treatments; none which have worked. This afternoon she is seeing a top Doctor. in San Diego. We're all praying that she'll finally have a correct diagnosis and treatment plan. (prayers of wisdom for the doctors and strength for her heart on this journey). While it would be so easy for her to get discouraged and feel hopeless after what she has endured for the past year, she has not. She has such a strong spirit, an incredibly high pain tolerance (she never complains) and a positive attitude. She's young and has life stretched out before her. And while I know right now with all her heart she wishes her money was being spent on a wedding dress and a honeymoon was being planned instead of medical bills and countless trips to different specialists. She remains hopeful and keeps her chin up. Smiling day after day. I love her and look up to her so much. She is the bravest girl I know and I'm amazed and blessed by her daily. So, if you have a moment to pray for her today that would mean so much me. thank you.



Have a beautiful Friday.

just for fun (click on this link for a cute video)...Lennon and Maisy Stella  (real life sisters who play Rayna James' daughters in the show Nashville) We love watching Nashville and I think these girls have such great voices! They are adorable too :) they have more videos on utube if you google them. *who knows maybe one day the boys will be singing their own songs together on stage. :) jk. (they already love to sing so much with each other :) yay for sisters and brothers <3>

He is with us.

 today we played at our favorite park. it is a nestled and hidden gem. it smells of sweet fresh earthly scents. it reminds me of camping each time we go.

this song below came on while we were driving home. the boys were dancing/heads shaking to the beat/ in the backseat. I was smiling in the front. (we've been having some sweet car moments lately) It's a good reminder that no matter how hard things may seem at the time He Is With Us. "We might be hurting but we won't be ruined. He's holding on to you and me. "

~He Is With Us~ by Love and The Outcome...video here

Remember when your hope is lost and faith is shaken
Remember when you wonder if you’re gonna make it
There’s a hand stretched out through your deepest doubt
We can’t pretend to see the ending or what’s coming up ahead
To know the story of tomorrow
But we can stay close to the One who knows
We can trust our God
He knows what He’s doing
Though it might hurt now
We won’t be ruined
It might seem there’s an ocean in between
But He’s holding on to you and me
And He’s never gonna leave, no
He is with us, He is with us
Always, always
He is with us, He is with us
Always
We believe there is purpose, there is meaning in everything
We surrender to His leading
He wants nothing more than to have us close
We can trust our God
He knows what He’s doing
Though it might hurt now
We won’t be ruined
It might seem there’s an ocean in between
But He’s holding on to you and me
And He’s never gonna leave, no
He is with us, He is with us
Always, always
He is with us, He is with us
Always
Our faith is sealed
Our hope is real
Come what may
We’re not afraid
Our faith is sealed
Our hope is real
Come what may
We’re not afraid
We’re not afraid
We can trust our God
Always, always
We can trust our God
Always, always
We can trust our God
He knows what He’s doing
Though it might hurt now
We won’t be ruined
It might seem there’s an ocean in between
But He’s holding on to you and me
And He’s never gonna leave, no
He is with us, He is with us
Always, always
He is with us, He is with us
Always, always
He is with us, He is with us
Always, always
He is with us, He is with us
Always
Our God is with us

I needed to hear these words today.

Hope your Wednesday is blessed.

happily hanging.

poolside

garden tenders (don't they look like lil ol' men here, tending to their garden?)

you can't tell in the picture but they are perched above the garden and I don't know who thought to bring the Thomas chairs over...lucas or caleb. it's so funny because they go over and sit there all the time to watch the plants!)

 

protector

 

Just a few pictures to share and a quote from a movie I love! (hope floats)

 

what i'm loving right now... 

I love how when I say "hold your brother's hand" both boys immediately look for and grab each others' hands.

I love how they reach out to touch the other one's hair or give a kiss when the other one is sad, how Caleb naturally puts a hand on Lucas to protect him when he gets nervous about something lucas is doing

I love how lucas is majorly into imitating everyone; this includes the singer at church who was raising her hands up during the songs to lead the congregation (lucas watched and imitated all through mass raising his arm up a down)

I love how the boys play together so well (when they aren't fighting that is)

I love that it's a new season of the bachelorette! Des was my favorite from Sean's season :)

 I love Tuesdays because it's bible study night

I love how sometimes when everything seems wrong and falling apart, the good little moments mixed up in our day make everything seem just right.

 

Happy Tuesday.

 

Happy Friday!

wants to be just like his big brother

my most favorite photo from the week. Happy Friday!

hugs

I have some catching up to do from our week down with my family; here are some photos and a couple videos from the past couple weeks.

 playing in the water fountain in morgan hill

found my running magazine #totallyengrossed #lilreader

 swimming

 napping

Lor's graduation  click here for Lor's graduation video

 

 our favorite day was spent at jenny's pool (in her apartment complex) talk about a nice pool! it was huge and we had so much fun. (i'm pretty sure it was the nicest and calmest pool we've ever been in)  Caleb did not get out of the water the entire 3 hours we were there! The boys loved it!

We had a great trip!
 pool video (here's a video I made of our pool time) The first two clips dave happened to capture on camera without realizing what actually was happening. We were all dying when we looked back and saw what my mom thought no one else happened to see. I think we watched it seriously a hundred times! Anyway, mostly this is for our own amusement but enjoy :)

Happy Friday!
 
looking forward to a warm weekend spent outside and hopefully in water (at the morgan hill aquatic center!)

 

 

movie night

 

Have a wonderful weekend.

ready to celebrate

 watching daddy mow the lawn

this morning the sun was already warm and we basked in at 8am after breakfast; swinging in the swing and playing barefoot. lately, we've been making smoothies and eggs for breakfast and then practicing our letters on the kitchen floor while we eat it..  i love this little routine we have in the morning that starts our day. Last week was busy and this week will be too, but I soak up our moments of time here at home and savor them. an extra hug lucas gives me while on the swing. a song caleb sings while he plays in his 'car' in the backyard. both boys trying to tickle me and then laughing. we might not have much time to be just home anymore, but i'll soak up the moments that we are and enjoy the ones when we aren't home...exploring new places and doing different things.

several things in life right now are completely out of my control. Mostly it is health wise...which is upsetting for me as i've always been very healthy and have never had issues! especially regarding my teeth. (up till lucas' pregnancy I had perfect teeth. not one cavity....sad to say that it all went downhill during my pregnacy with lucas...a cracked tooth. a couple cavities awhile later. and now a fractured tooth that happened during caleb's surgery week. i think i broke it grinding my teeth in my sleep...talk about what stress might do to you! the process to fix it has seemed slow..changing dentists and now with a temp crown on, not even gonna mention $$. but mostly the timing of it...let's just say in my mind seems horrible! but thankfully that isn't for me to say.) so...not to bore you with the details as i'm sure hearing about my teeth isn't very exciting for anyone! least of all me...i'll move on...all this to say is that all these things in life right now...i'm having to surrender to the One who can carry them for me. Placing my trust in Him. Always my greatest struggle, letting go. Father's homily on Sunday spoke right to my heart. He beautifully described the wind as being God's breath lifting us up above our circumstance and fire as being God's way of making us anew in Him. The newly baptized stepped forward in white and we prayed over them and it being pentacost sunday everyone was in red (my favorite color) and it was truly a beautiful mass.

we've squeezed in two days (in a row) of OT for caleb this week before heading south for my sister's college graduation tomorrow afternoon. I'm hoping this week can be restful and fun for all of us and that dental issues will be at bay (for d too. he's having some troubles of his own.. which once again is just strange because we both have had zero issues up until very reccently...he'll be switching over to my new dentist...are we just getting old over here? when it rains it pours so they say!). I hope we can just relax and enjoy being around family. I think we all need a change of pace. A refresher. And what better way than to celebrate my sister as she graduates college!!

 yay lor!

can't wait to for tomorrow :)!