these-are of course some of my favorite ones. warm breezy days watching the boys play, family time, reading books, silly laughter, toddler's chitter-chatter and baby's coos and smiles.
this is not a good pic...but i just needed a lil naked chub shot and this is all i got before big brother woke up.
kissing chubby cheeks. holding my sweetness warm and close. my precious little one...always so content with life. who came into the world filled with a spirit of peace. 
then- there are other, not so fine moments. tantrums, tears, battles i'm not up for fighting. frustration and losing my cool. moments that seem to last too long. struggles that i feel don't end. and little things that add up big. feeling like i might be doing just about everything wrong. there are a lot of moments where i am the one needing a 'calming down' in the other room. moments when i think to myself... 'he's two.two.' so little in such a big world. remember that kimmy. just remember, he's trying too. trying to communicate to these big people, who just don't get it. but the whining, and the screaming, and the no's to everything little....sometimes-they make it hard to remember this-and then my voice gets louder than i wanted and it takes a minute or two...but then all i can do is give a big hug and explain mommy's feeling frustrated too. yes. lots of frustrating moments between the toddler and his mama. sometimes i wonder? is it because he's so much like me that i'm at a loss? and that's why daddy always seems calmer...and unrattled? is it because lucas seems so much like his daddy? calm and content..that i can breathe in his sweet peace and life gets easier? it's always been easier with him? why? is it because i'm more sure this time around? i feel bad sometimes...but i push the thoughts aside. after all, we're learning. everything new to caleb is new to us too. I was a firstborn, Dave was a firstborn. We came out all right i think. Caleb will come out all right too. The thoughts still come though, try as I might to push them far away. Why does everything have to be so hard? It's the age right? but it's been hard all along. The temperament? My sweet and gentle Caleb, so sensitive. There are so many hard moments at this age. But so many sweet ones too. I just have to keep reminding myself. I hurt my foot so hard on the ground that I let out an 'ouch' and caleb came running over and kissed it better. I'll remember that. I was on the floor trying to do a palates video and Caleb ducked under me and kissed me sweet. I'll remember that. The hard moments only make the easy ones all the better. I can only appreciate them all the more. Watching lucas sleep sweet dreams in my arms fills me up. Sweaty curled hair fresh from sleep. Fingers closed tight round' mine. My lil nursling's curled toes and hands that touch my skin and smiles that form on baby lips from good milk and tickles from mama. Ohh how these moments make up my world with goodness. I'll take the hard ones. They mold and stretch me so...into a better mama to these two little loves of mine. and a better wife..to the one who holds me strong through it all..
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