Held.

 

 

"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10-11

Wednesday morning we had caleb's annual eye appointment in Berkley. We've made the drive before but this was the first time I was making it myself. I had a lot of conversations with God that day. Thanking Him; grateful for happy boys in the backseat for the two hours there and quiet sleeping boys for the two hours home. I realized through all my convos and solitude that I had a friend with me. A quiet comfort amidst a stressful day. It isn't anything new I realized, but through that long day I really needed Him. And it is always when I need Him the most that I cling to and draw on His strength the most. When things are easy and going good of course I am thankful but when things are hard, that is when I need to be more conscious about being grateful and still be joyful. When things are hard, that is when I am most aware of His strength and the blessings that have come from the struggle. This morning the boys are sleeping, D is working and as I did my devotional/quiet time I came across the above scripture. It brings me comfort knowing God has us by his righteous right hand. He strengthens us. He is our God.

While I am prone to worry and stress when I fill myself up with His word I am calmed and comforted. When things are hard and I feel at the end of my strength I know that God's strength has been here all along.

I wanted to share a moment from our Wednesday morning. We had to leave early for C's eye apt. Dressing has been difficult for him this week (the transition to get dressed) it ended with me having to physically assist while he was hysterical and crying. I hate having to do that and it upsets me. It ended in tears on my end too. When I am feeling frustrated a lot of times I remember this..."just love them" so while lucas tried handing caleb his blanket for comfort and was wiping away my tears with his lovey caleb was crying. I told him to come in my room and sit on my lap. He came in, curled up on the chair with lucas and I and tucked his hand under his blanket and began rubbing my belly, speaking softly to his littlest brother. We cuddled, we hugged, I soaked in their warmth, I shared with him my sadness. I wish things had gone differently to begin with that morning, that transitions weren't so hard for him. That certain things could be easier for him. But at the same time I don't. I wouldn't change a thing about how that moment ended;  both boys on my lap and in my arms. Me still crying but feeling grateful for their love. I wouldn't change a thing about C either. While sometimes I wish certain things weren't so hard for him, I know he is being strengthened by his struggles and he has taught us so much because of who he is. Mostly I try and remember this; "All I can do is love them" So when I feel at the end of my rope; physically, emotionally, spiritually;  I am reminded that God simply loves us. That His love is enough. And that he chose D and I to teach, model, and give our love to the boys as we teach them of the One who loves them the most.

"One day someone is going to love you so tight that all your broken pieces will fit back together" My mom sent my sisters and I this quote this week. I thought it fitting with our hug sesh on Wednesday. God is always holding us in his embrace and He puts our broken pieces back together.  Here on earth he gifted me with two very special little boys and their amazing daddy who hug me tight everyday and in those hugs?...I'm complete. Sometimes all you need is a hug.


Happy Friday.

... And Happy Anniversary to my parents, who first who taught me how to love, through their example. And with a lot of hugs.

and happy birthday to my littlest sister. who lights up the world with her smile and has a laugh just like our nani.

love them. and so excited to see them this weekend and to celebrate a sweet friend on her wedding day!