Our rainbow

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:3

 Where do I even begin? I have been mostly sticking to family days and trips on the blog these days; not sharing too much here about the boys in specific details as much, because as they get older I want to protect their privacy if that makes sense? But this has been on my heart for some time and I want to share a little bit here. These past couple years have been full of sweat and tears; changes and adjustments that have hurt and stretched us, all in good ways. We've learned and grown right alongside our sweet oldest. It seems as though after some heavy rainstorms, some drizzles and sprinkles we're standing under this huge, brilliant umbrella and it's raining down colors on us. It is full of color of every kind. Bright and brilliant just like our shinning star. When we started out on this journey we had no idea what a wild adventure we would be in for, isn't that what parenting is? A wild journey full of heartache and triumph. But more specifically when I look back at our early baby days into our stretching toddler and preschool years (for C and us) never could I have pictured us here..in TK. A five year old who isn't just surviving his first year of school, he's thriving. In a class that feels like a warm cocoon each week I visit. Each hour I get to spend in his class with his amazing teacher who is so special to us; I feel as though God handpicked her just for us, for this year. What a way to start off the school years. I look back at all Caleb has overcome, with so much stacked against him, and I look at how he's blooming; right before our eyes. He hasn't had it easy and yet despite that he's shinning. His teacher is creating a  reading group of about 5 students (out of 27 students) who have a very strong phonemic awareness and are ready to begin reading, they have some of their vowel sounds mastered and are ready for the next step.  My heart is happy over this because Caleb loves books. Sitting down with his teacher for parent-teacher conferences and hearing how well across the board he is doing makes me so happy for him. It isn't just about how bright he is or how sweet and compassionate he is, because this we know. It isn't even just about how much he adores his teacher and loves school and learning, It is about the fact that God is showing His strength though all of this through our greatest weakness. In Caleb's areas of weakness, in mine. In our dark murky days of not having a clue of how to navigate the meltdowns and the nights of crying and resisting sleep, He knew. In the long days of soothing a fussy baby and not understanding what was going on with my sweet toddler to finding out there was something going on, to figuring out a way to pay for private occupational therapy and how to get there, from diet changes to specialist visits...He knew. God knew He would be glorified in all of this. That Dave and I would grow closer to each other through it. That I would become a better mother for it. That Caleb would grow and develop even greater strengths because of how hard he has to work. God knows our hearts. He knows what we need, even when we ourselves don't know. This 5th year. This first year in TK. It has already taught me so much. About who we are as a family, about putting aside all my preconceived notions and fears and watching as God shines through Caleb. He's making friends, he says hi and bye and plays with his sweet classmates. I spied with my little eye Caleb and a little girl in his class holding hands all around the play yard. Running, happy and free. Fresh little faces with so much potential. Each morning I pray over the boys, but especially over Caleb for his day at school, away from the safety of home. I pray for protection over him, for wisdom and discernment and knowledge of right and wrong, Courage to be a good helper and a kind friend. I pray scripture over their precious little bodies, and we sing songs from Klove.

"Spent today in a conversation
In the mirror face to face with
somebody less than perfect
I wouldn't choose me first if
I was looking for a champion
In fact I'd understand if
You picked everyone before me
But that's just not my story
True to who You are
You saw my heart
and made
Something out of nothing"   FRANCESCA BATTISTELLI He Knows My Name
Yes He knows our Name.

I made my castle tall
I built up every wall
This is my kingdom and it needs to fall
I want You and no one else
Empty me of myself
Until the only thing that's left is
More of You
Less of me
Make me who I'm meant to be
You're all I want all I need
You're everything
Take it all I surrender
Be my king
God I choose
More of You
Less of me
More of You   by Colton Dixon
More of you Lord.

HE KNOWS, HE KNOWS
EVERY HURT AND EVERY STING
HE HAS WALKED THE SUFFERING
HE KNOWS, HE KNOWS
LET YOUR BURDENS COME UNDONE
LIFT YOUR EYES UP TO THE ONE
WHO KNOWS
HE KNOWS  Jeremy Camp


From the day You saved my soul'Til the very moment when I come homeI'll sing, I'll dance, my heart will overflowFrom the day You saved my soulWhere brilliant light is all aroundAnd endless joy is the only soundOh, rest my heart forever nowOh, in Your arms I'll always be foundMy love is YoursMy heart is YoursMy life is YoursForever    From the Day by I Am They

I'm marching out of the doubt into trust
Out of the me into us
No turning back, no turning back
No turning back
I’m falling head over heels into love
Leaving regret in the dust
No turning back, no turning back
No turning    No turning back by King and Country

Oh how these songs speak to my soul, into the deepest hurts, the fears deeply hidden, the pain buried. Out of it comes sweet, sweet joy. And to hear my little angel boys in the back seat singing right along, well, my heart can't get much fuller than that. My prayer for them is that they'll always know... That with God all things are possible, because He loves us most of all.

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

Caleb sweet firstborn of mine. You have taught me more than I ever could have imagined. God placed you in my arms and life has never been the same. Thank you for teaching me what it is to give selflessly, to love with abandon, and to protect fiercely. What a journey we have been on and I can't wait to see what else it will bring. I'm so glad God blessed us with you.
Love you. Mama.