starfish, cuddles, and phone convos.

Love this story. It really is true no matter how small something may seem, it can add up big. Beautiful things happen out of the ordinary.

There was once a wise man who was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead, was reaching down to the shore, picking up starfish and very gently throwing them into the ocean.

When asked why he was throwing Starfish into the ocean, the young man answered "The sun is up and the tide is going out and if I don't throw them in they'll die". The wise man replied "But don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach with Starfish all along it, and that you can't possibly make a difference!"

The young man listened politely, then bent down, picked up another Starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves.
"It made a difference for that one," he said.
 "Starfish Story" based on "The Star Thrower" by naturalist/philosopher Loren Eiseley:

From our day.
Lucas has a sinus infection and is on antibiotics, I'm glad i trusted my instincts and took him back to the dr. Poor guy is going on week three of being sick :/ I'll be glad when everyone is healthy again. This makes for lots of cuddles..I don't mind a bit.

 Caleb's been in a dancing/singing/marching around the house playing drums mood. Happens every morning. It's a cheerful way to start the day :)

 I took this clip of Caleb having a phone convo with nani and papa while going to the beach (i'm not sure they were aware that they played in our backyard with us today :) oh the imagination of a three year old!!

 Happy Tuesday!!

going the extra mile

 on specialness and special needs.

today i want to talk about my sweet firstborn.

first off, these are two blogs near and dear to my heart. (if you have time, go ahead and read their posts)
peace it all together and enjoying the small things both these mamas have special needs kiddos (one with SPD and one with DS). these two posts I read yesterday made me cry (linked above). These mamas are spreading awareness and asking for acceptance for their children. They ask that when others look at their child they accept their differences and love them for those differences; that we might embrace those differences. I think every mother wants that for their child, even more so when you have one with special needs. We want others to love them for who they are, to believe in them, to fight for them, to accept them, and to encourage, to believe in them, and to have faith. I pray that those who come into Caleb's life will believe in him and see him for the sweet boy that he is. We have already been blessed with his wonderful OT, miss A. We are his advocates. My prayer for D and I is that we will always stand up and educate others about his differences so that they might understand and celebrate with us his strengths and specialness. I pray that people will come into his life who will have the kind of faith we have in him, especially his teachers. I know a lot of good teachers out there, ones who wrap up little ones with love and encouragement, ones that push and challenge in just the right ways, my mom and D's mom being two of them. I hope Caleb will have that kind of teacher. We have and we will continue to move mountains to help Caleb so that he will succeed. We want him to know just how loved he is and that he can do all things through Him who gives strength.

for more on Sensory Processing disorder check out a sensory life this is a great and helpful website.

the reason I felt the urge to write about SPD today is because there have been two different instances where i have been asked if sensory means C has autism. The answer is no. He does not.
While children with autism and ADHD have sensory struggles as well, C's sensory difficulties are a stand alone diagnosis for him. He struggles with self regulation (his ability to regulate moods, deal with transitions, focus and attend; when he is self regulated he is able to do those things, if he is not regulated he goes into fight or flight mode). OT addresses his difficulties with...  the power sensations akaVestibular (his inner ear equilibrium) and Proprioceptive (where his body is in space) meaning how comfortable he feels running, jumping, swinging, climbing, etc. Gross motor and Fine motor activities are more difficult for him because his body isn't receiving the correct messages to the brain.  OT helps re-wire these pathways so that he will feel more comfortable jumping, running, cutting, coloring, etc (as we've already seen in the 4 months he's been in OT; our friend's little girl no longer melts down and her proprioceptive difficulties are almost gone; she's made great progress in the year she's been doing OT with the same OT as C). When he doesn't look us in the eye it means he is having a hard time regulating his body, when he is tentative in climbing down steps or won't jump off a curb it is because his body isn't getting the correct signal about where it is and how far to jump. Deep pressure helps calm him down. Swinging helps his vestibular system get back on track. Running and sit ups help build his core strength so that he can attend and sit for longer periods with one activity. I hope this helps you understand a little bit more about sensory processing disorder. There are great books out there. My favorite being...raising a sensory smart child and understanding your child's sensory signals.

So the next time you see a child having a major melt down in the grocery store, don't roll your eyes, consider that maybe that little boy or girl is overloaded with sensory stimuli and is unable to regulate. Offer a smile instead. The next time you see a little boy biting another little girl, consider that maybe he is autistic and might be taking medicine to help his aggression, as well as getting OT and speech therapy. Maybe you'll think twice about looking away when an adult with down syndrome tries to hug your child, instead you'll let them and come away with more love and acceptance. Let's celebrate our children and their differences. After all, it would be a pretty boring world if we were all the same.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

I believe from the bottom of my heart that Caleb is going to do great things, he already has. He has opened up our hearts to love deeper and more fully than I could ever have imagined. He's taught to look deeper, to ask harder, and to believe greater. He's taught us what faith really means. He is one of our greatest gifts. He loves to sing and dance, he is inquistive and empathetic. He has such a love of stories and books. He loves Lucas with the most beautiful brotherly love I have ever seen. You continue to amaze us everyday Caleb with your tender spirit and compassionate heart. We love you always and we'll never stop believing in you!

and because this boy loves his singing and dancing, here's a little video clip of him doing just that!!

*post edit.
last night i was angry and sad. caleb had an upseting 1hr go down for bed. lucas has been sick for three weeks (turns out sinus infection) i was exhausted and upset that things never go the way i plan! everything felt out of control. i missed my carefree college days. sometimes life before children seems as though it was blissfully carefree. i was better today. it was a good day with the boys. caleb had a couple hard moments (2 melt downs lasting a good half hour each) but we got through his home program and he was happy as can be the entire day (besides those two melt downs) he even went down good for nap and bed!!) all this to say that I still had a good cry as I read this post from another sensory blog I enjoy reading. our out of sync life sometimes i feel like this. i feel angry and i am upset that things are out of my control. i wish God would go a lil easier on me :) But then I remember that there is beauty in the struggle! And I wouldn't trade the past three years for the world, they have been hard and challenging, I've grown a lot! But it has been worth every minute!! And I really adore the Welcome to Holland poem posted at the end :) ( part 2 found here )

So thanks for listening to me today :) I had a lot on my mind!

sprinkles, cupcakes, and friday.

Happy Friday!!!

 

some of our happy friday moments

having a brother love moment.

 how i define tenderness.

two silly monkeys 

 

and from last night...

 what one might find around say...7:15 outside c's bedroom door...friends that don't make the bedtime cut. he kicks them out. then sneaks a couple of em' back in when we aren't looking. we laugh.

 a delightful evening spent over coffee with a good friend. topped off with sprinkle cupcakes.

 

 

Thursday evening my work session was cancelled. i did the happy dance times 100. then i took down Christmas cause the sun was shinning outside. hearts are up for February. i had a delightful evening over coffee with a good friend, a friend whose little girl has SPD just like C. (She's the one who recommended C's OT...her daughter has the same Occupational Therapist). We shared stories over warm drinks and smiled and laughed over the same quirks our sweet ones share. We got each other. It was the first time I could sit with someone and not feel guilty about emotions I've felt in the past because I couldn't help my sweet boy... she's felt them too, or  have to explain why C does certain things; because her daughter does the same thing. C and M, they are so much alike. It was the first time I felt like someone truly understood because she's in the same exact shoes we are in. Only...she's about a year ahead of us in treatment which means her daughter is proof that it's gonna get even better. That as good as it has gotten with help, it'll get even better. I'm so thankful for this new friendship. I feel blessed to call her a friend.

I love Fridays because they are home days. They are mornings of play, sunshine walks, and play dates with friends. Today we played, we walked, and we enjoyed the warm sunshine at the park with friends. It felt good. It felt good to talk to other mamas again, who are going through life with little ones. It helps the ache of missing family ease a bit. It reminds me that I'm not in this alone. I'm surrounded by a community of beautiful mamas and I'm blessed to call them friends. I'm feeling very thankful this week. I'm thankful the boys are finally feeling better (i can tell cause they are fighting a lot more!!! lucas likes to ham his way into caleb's business..all.the.time...don't let the sweet pictures fool ya.) It feels good to be able to get back in our routine at home. and it feels so good to have a couple days off of work (lil guy is sick so sessions cancelled) it feels wonderful to give baths again during the week, tuck little boys into bed, and sit together as a family for dinner (even though we have lunch together everyday!) It is the weekend and that is always a good thing :)

happy weekend. hope yours is filled with sunshine and happiness ;)

and if you're feeling the winter blues...this read might make you laugh the rain away. the haps. i love this blog. girl cracks me up!!!

when worlds collide.

 first. from our day....

tiger is very loved in our home.

lu is eyeing c's music set up (kinda excited that now i get to listen to my music, while c listens to his (which happens to be christmas music currently) 

happy brothers reunite. heart filled a plenty. hand hold. (took this walking down the stairs after c's OT. they were excited to see each other )

 

                                     lucas is very interested in stairs...and making sure he holds the railing while climbing (he watches everything big brother does) everything

some thoughts i've been thinking this week...
the world is smaller than we sometimes believe. stories intertwine to share same struggles and similar triumphs. I can count on my hand at least five friends who are going through struggles with one of their kiddos right now. Not just, challenging child struggles, more like special needs struggles. Speech. Autism. Sensory. ADHD. Affects of Abuse. It makes me realize that what you see on the outside is not always the picture you get on the inside. We share similar struggles, worries, challenges, hopes. We understand what it means to make phone call after phone call trying to get answers and help. We know what knocking down doors to advocate for our child means. How going to doctor appointments with different specialists for months can make you feel tired, but also encouraged because you're finding answers. Each sweet child, they require us to give more, love more, reach more, ask for more, advocate for them, believe in them, help others to see they have special things going on; they're different but they are the same too. They beg us to see beyond what most will not. They require us to stand up and sing praises because just look at them. They are special. They are extraordinary. Look beyond her hour long meltdown. His constant moving from one activity to the next. His agressive behaviors that stem from seeing his daddy hit his mommy. Her run that doesn't quite look the same as the other little little girls. His bite marks on his hand, look beyond her grunting for words...Instead, look and see those bright smiles. Believe in them. Love them. Have faith in them. And most importantly have faith in yourself; as a mother, as a father. Incredible faith. We are all facing different burdens and worries. There are marriages that are hurting. Children that make us feel like we give everything we have and sometimes that just isn't enough. I know too many friends that ache and dream of one day having a child. Friends whose marriages are struggling to survive and some who have to let go in order to do what is best for their family. All these hard changes we face. But, joy, we will find. If we seek Him who Loves us, with an everlasting love.

John 15:4
Abide in me and I in you.
Exodus 33:14
And He said "My presence shall go with you and I will give you rest"
Romans 8:38-39
Nothing can seperate us from the Love of Christ Jesus the Lord

I've been reading Jesus Calling as part of my devotional time while the boys nap. And I love this "Fix your eyes on me. The one who never changes. I am always besides you, helping you face today's waves."
Our world may be changing more than we'd like at the moment, but God is always the same. His love for us never changes. Fix our eyes on God. He will hold us up when we are weary.

Philippians 4:7
and the peace of God...will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Matthew 14:31
Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him.
immediately. what a beautiful image this brings to mind of Christ immediately wrapping us up in his love. all we have to do is reach out for him and ask.
1Peter5:6-7
humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that he may exault you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.
Matthew11:29
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Joshua 1:5
I will be with you; I will not fail or forsake you. Be strong and courageous.

Joy is a choice, not a pursuit. I am trying to choose Joy daily. I fall short many times! But that's what I'm striving for and focusing on during this time. The scriptures I shared above spoke to me this week. I wrote them in my Joy journal and hope they may bring those who read this maybe some comfort. It is my prayer for my friends, and for whoever is going through a challenge, that they may find Joy. That they can rise above their circumstance and walk with Him in His Heavenly Glory.

Happy Thursday :)

also just to say, i know this is random but.... i hope i don't offend anyone with what i put up here. i share pictures of the boys, and my thoughts because i enjoy taking pictures and writting my thoughts down in one place. *even though i have photo albums and journals, i love that the blog world connects so many people together. i love sharing pictures and stories....and i hope you know our little home isn't perfect. we have many struggles. pictures may make us look happy, like we have it all together. Obviously we do not :) We're human, and this is just our simple little blog of pictures and words :) and everything i write is written out of love, for my family, for friends, for the boys.

it's almost friday. and that makes me happy :)

little things today

 dimples are my fav. (headphones mama found cheap at Ross with superman on them for OT music therapy. excited little man likes them...cause he wouldn't go near miss P's headphones on Monday!) (on top of our Tuesday/Thursday OT sessions with Miss A in Morgan hill in a sensory gym, we've been set up with an OT who comes to our house on Mondays (this service is free through the Hawaiian elks; the school psycologist set this up for us) to incorporate sensory therapy in the home (i.e. with daily routines/play/lifestyle skills). our first session was Monday. I'm excited we've got more help coming our way with c. We love you so much little man.

 thanks cousin ang for the cozy socks and shirts (adorbs!)

lucas, you're saying a lot these days...words or gestures, grunts, a shake of your head. i love watching your little personality emerge day by day! you're a bundle of fun and we love you so much!

we're getting back in the swing of things-sort of this week. just the boys and I. our routine is almost back to normal (besides lingering coughs and runny noses that kinda change around plans) i'm almost getting used to working in the evening during the week. I miss my babies, but that just means i breathe them in closer from the time they wake up until the time that I leave. I also don't worry one bit about them cause they are with daddy when I'm at work, and that makes my heart happy. I'm stretching and growing. It hurts a little. But it hurts good. Because it helps me become a better mama to my sweet boys. It helps me be a better wife with my wonderful hubs. I miss running and that peaceful feeling I get when I run, but 20 degree dark weather is just not appealing at 6am. so instead i'm doing Jillian's shred DVD with dave while the boys sleep, and well, this has it's perks. Watching hubby sweat is kinda fun. It's a season of change and shaping. These cold winter days don't last long before they slowly turn over into warm spring sunshine; and that makes my heart happy.

Happy half way through the week Wednesday!!!

home.

today our 'outing' plans were cancelled becauseo of lu's  nasty cough he woke up with. Been drippy since last saturday but cough wanted to ham in on the drip. We're not getting much sleep (he isn't much of a sleeper when sick) and I'm just feeling weary from all this sickness. We haven't been healthy/or around healthy people since before christmas. It starts to beat down on you, ya know?

 

Still there were plenty of perfectly precious moments that happened this morning despite everything else we've had going on lately that's got me in my yearly winter funk. For some reason I thought it wouldn't happen to me this year. I told winter funk to stay away, but he's still weaseling his way in. I thought keeping up christmas lights a lil longer, not being pregnant and sick, and working in the evening would be enough of a winter distraction. But the cold air outside and the sickness that won't leave the building, among some other everyday challenging things...well, they keep pushing their way in!! Go away winter blues. You are not welcome here this year! 

 

These two though...they make sunshine come in. Warmth aglow.  

 I laughed my way to a good ol'  belly ache when I saw lu climb on and caleb pedal away. They are already up to their own devices and I love watching their brother bond grow.

 heart squeeze. if only you knew how much i love you caleb. my sweet boy. i don't ever want the world to hurt you.

 lu's favorite spot in caleb's room. i love how busy he is. like, all the time.

 the famous diaper dash. (doesn't like to be held down!)

 brother boys at play

 

 my cry read of the day. 71toes. tell me it didn't make you cry...if you read it!

 

after reading it....i'm glad i have some sweet moments with my precious boys captured on camera.

 

 

 

 i know the sun is gonna warm up the air soon. we'll have beach days in the future. and i'll evenually have two healthy little boys. for now, we're doing lots of cuddling (which i never mind!)

inspirations from His Word that encouraged me today 

 

Phillipians 4:7
And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Phillipians 4:13
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me

Phillipians 4:6
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be known to God.

tonight i have my women's bible study, and that always leaves me feeling encouraged for the week!

 happy tuesday.

between the raindrops

what i'm loving right now.
the weekend. rain after work on friday. not getting hit or bit at work. my favorite work day yet with my lil kiddo. waking up early with my boys. grocery shopping with little helpers. an entire day-just the four of us. watching the boys explore at the children's discovery museum.  Storytime Italian style, La Bofena, Italian singing. three wise men. caleb's made up song about 'it's getting dark outside' with his guitar strumming, dance moves always. lucas' humming in the car today. a pizza lunch that included spontaneous dance moves. dinner as a family. bath time bubbles. a happy go down for my little man. squishy little boy cheeks and hugs. time with hubs. the first healthy weekend we've had at home in weeks. discovering a new song on the radio that i love. relishing our weekend together ;) feeling happy and hopeful. renewed after a hard few weeks of sickness and a week of worktime adjustment. happy to be home with my boys.
Happy weekend :)