details interwoven

I wish I could write what I really mean and feel, though mostly it comes out as random jibber jabber... here are my thoughts on our life right now....the good and the hard mixed up together to create the beauty of life...tears, sadness, joy, peace, and love.

details i ache to hold onto...
two brothers, their bond. their conversation. their hugs. their love for each other. the way lucas talks to caleb and how caleb earnestly tries to understand-then announces for all to hear exactly what he thinks lucas is saying.

the stage they are both in...watching their relationship change and mold and form...from fighting and hitting and biting and crying and screaming one moment- to hugs and kisses, laughter and rough house. from spontaneous hugs and hand holding to giggles and whispers and brother boy language only they understand.

i so dearly want to hold onto lucas' sweet voice as he tries to say 'truck' and 'bird-y' and cling to his animal sounds 'moo' and 'quack quack' (seriously my favorite)...to monkey sounds and dog sounds. how he points out everything he sees. everything and with it an attempt at a word. having a 3 and a half year old and a one and a half year old. It is fun. And challenging and exhausting but oh so worth it.

work. i'm just not into it right now. it hurts every time I have to drive away from the boys, to watch them waving at me happy to be with daddy. I miss them already. It hurts when I have to leave them upset and when I have to pry their arms off of mine. It hurts when I have to kiss their cheeks and hug their little bodies knowing that sometimes they are already tucked in bed when I come home. Tip toeing in their rooms at night and watching them sleep makes me feel like time is never long enough. rocking lucas; back and forth in his rocking chair. inhaling sweetness. cuddled up close. savoring tuck ins with caleb. My babies are growing up and it hurts sometimes. But all this hard is good because it makes me treasure every single day I don't work. Every bath time is more special because I get to be there. Every tuck in I linger over because I am there. It hurts to leave them, but it makes coming home that much sweeter (and I'm thankful it's only 3 evenings a week for only 3 hour sessions. It doesn't seem that long but when they sleep as much as they do with naps and early bedtime it feels as though I'm missing a lot) Find the good in the hard. Be thankful for the struggle. These are the whispered reminders I must hear.

I am painfully aware how short our days together can be. I miss our lingering pajama mornings and early walks of leisure. I miss our home days more than anything-except for when we are home sometimes we just need to get out! The irony in that makes me laugh. I miss more the option of staying home. But we have our Fridays and our Tuesdays and our Mondays (after home OT) and I know that leaving means more help for C. That I can make our mornings special still. We make adventure trips to the park by Miss A's and the boys get a half hour in of play before C's OT. We make trips to a waterfountain or stop by the library on the way home. We eat lunch outside instead of inside. We make smoothies for breakfast and these little things make me stop and treasure today. To not linger over the past and how we used to spend our days but to treasure the present and the memories we are making now. Because soon enough all these days will be memories and I know I'll miss them all-even as I miss them now.

surgery. the date is set. there's not much I can say about it because I feel so mixed up with fear and worry and unsettling dreams that come and leave me feeling tired. But I put my Trust in the One who can carry my burden and I pray that we are doing what will in the end help. That Caleb's little body will finally be able to get the rest it so greatly needs and that his sleep apnea will go away. I pray his body will be protected through the surgery and that his recovery will go smoothly. He has a lot of prayer warriors on his side.

runs. i fell today; a face plant. but it's all good. running keeps me going through it all :)

I'm so happy it's almost Friday! I need some serious family time..

no new pictures- just some of my favorites..

what i'm excited about:
finishing up our garden beds. planting fruits and veggies in them. family time. dinners and baths and naps and walks and backyard play. just spending time with my boys :)

blog lovn' (encouraging words and thoughts that inspire)
four years six months ten days @harpershappenings and parents to admire @ deliberateparenting.net

Happy Friday!

my heart.

check out those crocks.

some friday randoms...

my most favorite moments of the week:
caleb rocking lucas almost to sleep in the rocking chair singing "i love you, from morning till night...there i said it again...lalalala...forgive me for feeling this way...." i love you so much lucas"
oh my heart. does it get much sweeter than that?

pre nap cuddles and snuggles between brothers.

the crocks. (as seen in the above picture)

laughter and little brother boy rough house and hugs (that happen in those rare moments when the boys aren't hitting/biting/screaming/crying/etc...ya know that whole sibling thing)

other randoms...
looking forward to a weekend in slo for the newman fundraiser, catching up with college friends and spending time with hubby while the boys are busy having fun with nani and auntie jen.

we know for sure now that c has sleep apnea (as we had another apt today with the ent specialist) and will be scheduling an apt for him to get his tonsils and anodes (spell check?) out. i want to just get it over with as the thought of surgery isn't exactly a happy one; although knowing this will help him get more restful sleep and allow him to go into a deeper sleep therefore helping him overall is what we have to focus on.

it felt like a busy and crazy week that consisted of travel recovery and c's apt this morning for his sleep apnea. i'm so glad it's the weekend :)


oh yeah. one last random thing.... i fell this week. a lot. once i fell off the bed (i aimed wrong when i sat on it and kind of just plopped on the floor. i was kinda embarrassed, but d happened to be in the other room so i quickly went back on the bed as if nothing had ever happened. 

then i fell again...the second fall was in public. in the rain. and it happened to be graceful (well it probably didn't look graceful) but lucas and I both came out without injuries thanks to my skill when it comes to falling...(and i don't think anyone saw...at least i hope no one saw us)

anyway i'm not sure what's with the clumsies as usually it only happens at one particular time of the month and doesn't happen at all as much as it did, like...way back in high school. but anyhoodles. it caused some major giggles on my part (only there was no one around but lucas to listen to the laughter)

Happy Friday!!

Easter

Easter in photos....

 coloring easter eggs.

 easter egg hunt

 

 (for sure my favorite moment captured! big cous helping lil cous get an egg in the bush. i crack up every time i see it. that is some serious business right there!)

 sweetest moment captured (d is so super sweet with the boys)

 the little cousins

 the big cousins and little cousins together

 it's so weird to look at this and remember as a lil girl it was just us three sisters. my cousin angela (who is my age and grew up like a sister with us). and johnny and jeffrey (our older boy cousins who were/are like brothers to us)! now we've got kids ( caleb and lucas) (dom and soph), hubs (dave), wife(chrissy), and girlfriend(emily) in there...and not everyone is in the pic (cameron and joey are missing!)!

 the boys' favorite moment i think.

 it was a busy and full weekend of preparing and baking and cleaning and getting ready for easter sunday. easter mass was beautiful. i saw people from high school that are now married and have children and i was just wondering exactly when it was that we all grew up? the music was beautiful and of course on days like easter and christmas and special time with family i always think of my nani and poppy and feel them near and see them in my family. in smiles and laughter and time together. today there was a hummingbird outside our yard (my poppy's favorite bird) caleb was able to get super close to it and it didn't fly away. it stayed awhile. moments like that make me smile and remember sweetly my nani and poppy. family traditions continue with them in our hearts.

and a few other pics from my phone...

my cousin angela snapped this on our saturday morning run. it was a gorgeous morning and it was so special to be able to run with her while we were down! 

sweet lucas. another pic captured by my cousin angela. i love this one!  

such a sweet bond they have

 car drive! (so totally not wanting to get in the car anytime soon! lol!)

Happy halfway through the week Wednesday!

Happy early Friday.

a song favorite around here lately....

 

I took a lil video for our friday post ...it's a song favorite around here click here to listen.

this is for my sister, jenny. i know she'd appreciate it! lol :)

 

Hope you have a lovely weekend and a very blessed Easter!!

 

*yes I know it isn't friday yet-but with our easter plans and packing. I thought I'd do an early Friday post! :)