if I could...

from our morning...

early morning run followed by quiet time while the boys slept in. love starting the day this way (even if it doesn't happen everyday!)

park play

thomas time @OT (bathroom)

starting up our beth moore study tonight @ my womens' bible study. I am sooo excited ;)

Here's what's been on my mind today:

If I was supermom; with super powers...

I would have an invisible door in Caleb's room that blocked out all sound for him at night and naps. This would make bedtime much easier and prevent him from waking up to Lucas!

I would have the perfect sleep remedy for Caleb that would make him happily drift into a blissful sleep all night long, no tears at bedtime, no hour long routine, no middle of the night restless sleep or waking up to lucas when they are sick....it'd be perfect. My heart would no longer break over the fact that bedtime has been and continues to be a great challenge for him; along with transitions...oh those transitions...

I would always stay calm and serene and NEVER lose my cool when Caleb's in a meltdown and won't let me touch him or get near him. I would never feel helpless. I would never let out a shout of frustration or boil inside with helplessness and sometimes anger because I feel like I can't help him enough.

I would align the boys' happy times to be at the same time. Not when Caleb is grumpy in the morning and lucas wakes up singing. They would both be happy.

I would have the supermom powers to never lose my cool with d after I've kept in my frustrations from the morning with the boys. Things like bad naps and horrible bedtime go downs with c, they wouldn't affect me. They wouldn't get me. I'd be easy going and a chill pill would work for me.

The house would always be clean. Laundry wouldn't be forever going. Meltdowns would never happen. I would feel peace all of the time, not just after a run or doing my quiet time, or while taking a 'me' break. Or when the boys are playing happily together, or just during the good moments. I'm working on feeling peace amid the chaos..I'm still not there all of the time yet.

Ahhh. It'd be perfect. LIFE would be PERFECT. I would be the best mom and the best wife ever. Magic would be at my finger tips :)

But let's face it. I'm not a perfect mom or a perfect wife, daughter, or sister. I fail daily! I feel like I am never good enough sometimes. BUT- God uses all of our weakness and gives us HIS strength-if we call on Him and ASK Him, SEEK Him and Pray continually. If I didn't experience these daily struggles I don't think I'd be so dependent on God all of the time. As a mother I have come crashing into the realization that I can't control anything and Life isn't perfect. As a mother of a child with sensory struggles I am even more aware of how much I can't control. I certainly can't take away Caleb's pain and frustration with everyday tasks that are just down right hard for him. I certainly can't make bedtime smooth sailing like it is with lucas everyday. I can't make him a happy camper when he wakes up. Being a girl that likes to have everything in control, some things are even more difficult for me. I struggle with this moment by moment sometimes. But when I do let go and TRUST God with my burdens, when I lift up my struggles and my weakness I am then able to allow God to work through me. It is so hard sometimes!! I often feel like I am failing and never quite good enough; but I am learning. I'm learning to let Go. To Let God take the reigns of my life. To TRUST Him always. I have tools that help me. Running. Reading the Bible. Dave. The bond the boys share and focusing on that. OT and all I have learned from Caleb's therapists in how to help him. My sisters. My mom. Family. Friends. Friends that get it. A special person that truly gets it as her little girl struggles in the same way as Caleb. Fresh air. Sunshine. Beauty in the little things. Moments with the boys. Backyard swinging. barefoot in the grass play. baking. bathtime. the little moments are so beautiful.

Life is far from perfect. But I do know that if I had a perfect life I wouldn't appreciate it. It is only when we are down, falling flat on our faces, that we can look up to Heaven where God reaches out his heavenly hand and HOLDS us.

I see God in so many ways,
in flowers, butterflies that emerge from their cocoons, in Lucas' laughter and spirit of joy. In Caleb's challenges and in his struggles, in the way he overcomes hard things. In Dave. In his patience and love and gentleness as he guides his sons into the men they will become. In family. In friends. In the love I feel for my boys. In our family. Our love. Our blessings in our trials.


                                images via google.


lastly, daylight savings time has us (especially C) a little messed up I will admit. Bedtime since Sunday has been closer to 7:30 instead of 7. Lu will sleep in (till 8:30am) but C doesn't (except for today! yay) I have come to realize that this shift in time/this transition is another thing that affect's C and his self regulation. Not feeling well also doesn't help. But we've found yet another -in- for C in the form of music therapy (aka listening therapy) and in some specific cds that help him regulate and focus. Music has been for him something that is calming and regulating and now with it being another theraputic cd we are using, we are finding that it is making a huge difference and continuing to help. I'm so grateful for his OTherpists!  Because of them, he's becoming a much happier and well regulated little boy; one step at a time. I love how much he loves music, am amazed at how quickly he memorizes songs from KLOVE on our drive to OT and can just imagine him one day playing an instrument :)

I love Tuesdays (since I don't have to work) and sunshine. I love that spring is around the corner. That the nights are longer and the days are brighter :) I love lazy afternoons soaking up the warm sun with my barefoot babies in the backyard post naps...

Happy Tuesday!

loving...





 :)